


The Masks That We Wear

by othersunsets



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anal Fingering, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blindfolds, Blow Jobs, Bondage, Breaking Up & Making Up, Canon Divergence, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dirty Talk, Dom Levi, F/M, Face-Fucking, Healing, Light Dom/sub, Making Love, Multiple Orgasms, Nipple Play, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Overstimulation, Pegging, Reader Pegs Levi, Riding, Rough Sex, Sex first feelings later, Sub Levi, Switch Levi, Switching, Trauma, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, kind of, yes that's right - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:47:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 23,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28094124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/othersunsets/pseuds/othersunsets
Summary: you get transferred to the Scout Regiment, and meet Captain Levi Ackerman, the man considered to be the greatest fighter alive. but as the two of you get closer, you start to realize that there's more to him than that.
Relationships: Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader
Comments: 31
Kudos: 238





	1. Chapter 1

“Hello, Captain Levi. I just wanted to say thank you for taking me on. I am honored for the opportunity to work underneath you.” You say this in a rush, your mind working too fast for your mouth to catch up. 

You have just been transferred to the Scout Regiment from the Garrison Regiment. A wall breach caused by a group of Titans resulted in the deaths of everyone in your squad...except for you. You, in a fit of rage and in an effort to avenge their death, managed to take out every Titan left in the area. 

You still don’t remember how you did it. It was like something possessed you, and your body began to move on its own, slashing and screaming and careening through the air as the stench of blood filled your nose and the telltale stinging of your eyes spurred you forward. You didn’t end up crying about them though. There is nothing to cry about. And now, because of your courage, you have been promoted, in a sense. But you chose the Scout Regiment instead of the Military Police.

And now you are standing in the doorway of Levi Ackerman’s office, watching him as his deep set, emotionless eyes waft over you with an indistinguishable expression. 

Maybe you made the wrong choice. 

“You may stand down.” he says. 

His voice is calm, yet deep and commanding, as if he’s daring you to disobey. 

You cooperate, and stop your salute, forcing yourself not to shift your feet. “This isn’t like the Garrison Regiment,” he continues. “You need to go out into every mission with the full expectation that you are going to die. If you fall behind, we will not wait for you. Do you understand, Lieutenant?”

“Yes,” you say almost immediately. He raises an eyebrow. 

“Yes what?”

“Yes, Captain.” 

Levi takes a moment to look through some files on his desk, and you look down at your shoes, and up at the ceiling, not sure if you’re dismissed or not. Luckily, Levi breaks the silence before it becomes almost too much to bear. 

“Your name is Y/N, yes? You were the one who killed 7 titans that breached the wall, correct?”

“Yes.” you say simply. You feel your heart start to race, and a strange rushing sound begins to build in your ears as you relive the events of that day. 

“Why did you do it? You could have run, hid, gotten help. You were alone. And why did you pick my Regiment? Anyone of your...caliber would have gone to the Military Police.” He says Military Police like it’s a revolting phrase, and you sense a slight hint of disdain in his voice. You will yourself not to bite the inside of your mouth until it draws blood. Instead, you lift your chin up a little, square your shoulders.

You are a soldier. He will not view you as impressive if you are a shrinking violet. 

“I didn't run because the fate of humanity is more important than my life,” you say. “Because they killed my colleagues and I wanted them dead. I chose you because you’re the best at what you do, and I knew I could learn so much from working underneath you.” Not for the first time, you are unable to distinguish his expression. All you can do is maintain eye contact. After a long moment, he finally speaks. 

“You are dismissed, Lieutenant.” 

“Thank you Captain.” and as the door closes behind you and you let out a deep breath as you stand in the hall. You start to feel an odd feeling creep into your chest. It’s a feeling that you’ve always had, one that had been momentarily placated by meeting Levi. 

After all, loneliness is a feeling you know all too well. 

~  
Three key moments. There are three key moments that cause the walls around both your hearts to come down. 

Levi pushes you the hardest during training. He makes you run the farthest, and carry the most weight, his steady and insistent insults spurring you forward. The endless onslaught of “brat” and “idiot” only quicken your pace and lighten your load as you strive to be seen as an equal to the others.

So you can’t help but be surprised when Levi starts up a conversation with you after dinner, after everyone else has already left. 

“Lieutenant.” Levi says before you you can make your way out the door after Jean, Mikasa, Armin, and Eren. You stop, closing the door behind you in the mess hall and leaving you alone in the room with Levi. 

“Yes, Captain?” you state, the lilt in your voice betraying your attempt at staying calm. Levi doesn’t seem to notice, however, or if he does, he chooses to ignore it for your sake. 

“You haven’t mentioned a family,” he says, and you feel a pang in your chest. This is a question you did not want him to ask. You steel yourself, and decide to answer quickly so that the interrogation will be over soon. 

“My parents were killed in a robbery. I lived in an orphanage until I was 18. We all took care of eachother, and became a little family. I have no idea where any of them are now though. I then worked at the Garrison for several years, until...well, until…” you can’t bring yourself to say the words again. Every night, the events of that day repeat in your mind, an endless assault, followed by a barrage of questions: Were you fast enough? Did you do enough? 

Could you have saved them? 

Levi clearly senses your distress, because he doesn’t push the matter further. He simply nods, and you say “Good night, captain,” and you swear you see Levi’s lips part, as if he was about to form a question, before you close the door behind you. That is the first moment.

~

“Are you finished with your tea, Captain?” You and Levi are the only one’s left in the mess hall once more. Only this time, you stayed behind on purpose, pushing your rations around, waiting until everyone else turned in for the night. You can’t help but wonder if Levi was doing the same thing. Levi looks at you as you ask him this, and you can almost see his eyes soften, for just a moment, before he settles back into his usual icy stare. You go to reach for his cup, to put it away, but he reaches for it at the same time, and you feel a spark as your hands touch.

Levi pulls away a second too late. 

“Yes. I am,” he says simply as you take it. His eyes do not leave yours, and he is impossible to read. 

“Goodnight, Captain.” you say, and move towards the door. 

“Levi,” he says softly. You turn back, confused.

“Captain?”

“When we’re alone...you can call me Levi.” his words send a shock through you, and you struggle to keep your expression level. The softness is back now. You can hear it, hidden underneath the deep timbre of his voice. And there is something else there. In his expression and in his voice. Something you can’t quite place. And yet, it’s familiar, a long forgotten feeling. 

Despite your logic telling you no, you can’t help but call it anything other than desire. 

“Alright,” you say. “Good night, Levi.”

“Good night...Y/N.”

This is the second moment. 

~

The next day, your division runs into a Titan while scouting, and Levi kills it while you assist. Just like the day of the wall breach, your body moves instinctively, leaping off of your horse as your ODM is activated. Your fly through the air, your blades moving so fast you hear nothing but the sharp breeze, the sound of metal, and a muffled grunt that escapes you as the Titan reaches out and its nails swipe you and Levi in midair. 

Luckily, you don’t lose too much momentum, and your blades slice through the Titan’s neck at the same time as Levi’s. You sheath your blades and land back on your horse, a large huff of air escaping you as you try to calm your rapidly beating heart. The shocked expressions of your comrades are not lost on you. You’ve impressed them. 

“I’m sorry for barging in without asking, Captain-sorry. I meant Levi.” you apologize as you stand in the doorway of Levi’s office holding a cup of water and some loose strips of clothing. “I noticed you got hurt earlier. I can treat your wounds if you like.” You don’t know why you do so. Nothing in Levi’s behavior has shown that he would accept-has it?

“I’m fine,” he says, just as you expected. But something, a voice in your head maybe, tells you to insist. 

“You look like you’re in pain. Please, let me help.” you say. Levi sighs, as if the very presence of you is burdening him, but he nods his assent, betraying his attempt to be indifferent.

“Alright. It’s just my leg.” You approach him slowly before kneeling before him as he sits in his chair. You refuse to make eye contact with him, realizing as you roll up his pant leg that this situation is far more intimate than you intended it to be. You feel your skin start to heat up, and you wrap the soft wet cloth around the scrape.

What’s even more surprising, however, is the way Levi shivers as your fingers skate softly across his skin. 

“I’m done,” you say, and start to stand up, still not looking at him. You’re standing over him now, too tense to move, waiting for him to dismiss you and for this awkward encounter to end. What you don’t expect, however, is Levi’s voice, soft and insistent, as if he’s willing you to stay.   
“You’re hurt too,” he says. “Allow me to help you.” You had almost forgotten about the scrape on your abdomen, and you nod.. 

Levi takes the cup of water and the cloth from your hands, placing them on the desk. And then you force yourself to hold in a gasp as he lifts up your shirt. He is still sitting in his chair, with you standing in front of him, his head level with your abdomen. You can’t speak. You can barely breathe. No one has ever touched you like that, with deft, yet soft fingers. He dips the cloth into the cup of water and dabs at the scrape with it with one hand, his other hand firmly placed on your hip. The sting of the water against your skin is the least of your concern. 

Instead, you’re completely focused on Levi’s hand on your waist, on his fingers as they softly stroke the exposed skin. He leaves sparks of pleasure everywhere he touches, and he places the cloth back on the desk, grabbing your other hip as well. And finally, finally, he looks up at you. 

You’ve never really understood the concept of someone’s eyes being heavy with want until now. There is no disputing what you’ve started to suspect. Levi wants you. And you want him. 

You bury your fingers in his hair, just to see if the strands are really as soft as they look. 

He closes his eyes, his fingers still stroking the skin at your waist, and for the first time, it’s like the facade melts away. You move even closer, and before you can stop yourself, you sit on his lap, your hand still buried in his hair, the warmth of his breath as he moans softly in surprise sending a thrill through you. You are past the point of no return. and so you lean forward. 

“You’re brave, aren’t you,” he whispers. 

And suddenly his lips are on yours. 

It takes your breath away, and you allow yourself to get swept up in the taste of his mouth and tongue. Warm shivers make their way down your spine, resting right below your waist. His hands don’t stop moving, slowly but surely making their way down to your shoulders, your hips. You focus on the feeling of his mouth as he travels down to the nape of your neck, planting kisses there. You let out an involuntary moan as he sucks on it, and he bites down slightly before traveling further down, and then his lips are on yours again, biting and sucking, a symphony of senses and sounds and sighs.

Lev takes a moment to organize his papers, putting them away before laying you gently down on the desk. 

All you can hear is the sound of his breathing mingled with yours. He leans over you, kissing up and down your neck, biting and nipping right at your collarbone in a way that makes you bite your tongue to stifle your gasp. Your face feels hot, a delicious mix of pleasure and anticipation, as he covers your mouth again with his own, sucking on your bottom lip and pulling at it slightly with his teeth. 

“Does this feel good?” He asks in between kisses, the low timbre of his voice vibrating through you, and all you can do is nod, moaning in assent. Levi stops for a moment, putting his hand under your chin and lifting your face up slightly, as if he is admiring your features in the moonlight. And then he speaks. “I’ve wanted you from the moment I first laid eyes on you.” Just those words send shivers through you, and you reach out, twisting your fingers in his hair and kissing him fiercely. He moans against your mouth, low and deep and rumbling, and you kiss down his neck, stopping to kiss his Adam’s apple, the source of that delicious sound. 

“Take off your shirt,” you say, and he smiles slightly before slowly unbuttoning his shirt. 

Slowly but surely, more of him is revealed to you, his lean, lithe muscle, the bruises, all the marks and scars only enhancing his beauty. You reach out, tentatively, placing your hands on his chest, the heat of his skin an addicting feeling on your palms. You remove your shirt next, feeling a slight flush of embarrassment as your bare skin is revealed to him. Levi removes his shirt completely, and unbuckles his pants, letting the belt and shirt fall to the floor. He stares at me for a moment, as if enthralled, and his expression puts you at ease. Levi leans down and kisses your chest, where your heart is. And then he travels lower. 

When he puts his mouth around your nipple, you let out a gasp. It’s as if the nerve endings in your body light up, warm and tingly and powerful, a dull ache of pleasure slowly building inside of you. He swirled his tongue around it, biting it slightly while circling your other nipple with his thumb, leaving you speechless. He then moves his mouth over to your other nipple as his hand travels down, skimming across your stomach and resting on the top button of your pants, which he unbuttons without removing his mouth from your chest. And then you gasp as he moves his hand down further, past your pants, into your underwear, and slips his middle finger between your lips. 

His finger circles your clit, fast and sure, causing you to cry out as ripples of pleasure course through you.You feel him slip a finger inside, and he strokes you from the inside out, touching you where you need him most. 

He slips another finger inside, and they press against your g spot insistently. He uses his thumb to continue his assault on your clit, watching your face with a languid expression, awaiting your reaction. 

Just when you feel like you’re about to go over the edge, he stops, and he raises his fingers to his lips and sucks on it. “I’ve never wanted anyone as badly as I want you,” he says, bringing his mouth against yours so you can taste myself. Your heart is racing, and every single inch of your skin is on fire, tender and longing for Levi’s touch.

He reaches down and pulls your pants and underwear off, and you move your hips to help him. You focus on the feeling of his lips as they travel down your neck, chest, and to your stomach as he pulls his pants and underwear down. Levi slips one finger between your lips again and strokes you slightly before removing his hand and smoothing some of the wetness onto his shaft. You look at it for a moment, It is quite large, and standing at attention, and strangely intimidating. 

After he does so, he leans over me again and looks into your eyes. “I want you, Y/N. If you’ll have me.” He says. 

“I want you too,” you say without a moment’s hesitation. 

He smiles, and kisses you softly on the lips before grasping the back of your knees and lifting your legs so they wrap around his waist. You close your eyes. There is a moment or two of fumbling, a surge of pleasure as the head of his cock teases your clit, and then you gasp as you feel him enter you. 

You nod, wrapping your arms around him to let him know he can keep going. Levi rolls his hips as he moves in and out of you, and his fingers reach down and rub luxurious circles against your clit with every stroke, sending shivers through you and causing you to cry out. The pleasure starts to build again, and you bite his shoulder, digging your fingers into his back as it rises. He cries out at that, sucking in air. 

“Harder,” Levi says, and you listen, scratching at his skin and biting even deeper into his shoulder, You start to raise your hips to meet him, where your bodies are connected, craving the feeling of the two of you truly being together. Eventually, the pressure builds and builds until you are crying out, until waves of pressure flow through you over and over, and you feel yourself tighten around him, Levi works quickly then, moving in and out of you until he finally cries out, and you come together, the lamplight and your hearts beating in tandem and the heat of your bodies tangled together in pleasure.


	2. Fatigue

“Don’t leave me. I can’t lose you too.” 

Levi Ackerman’s words stay with you the entire night, even as you leave his office to return to your quarters. The easiest thing to do would be to dismiss his statement, and assume it was something he said in the spur of the moment, at the height of euphoria. 

But it didn’t sound like that. No. It had to have meant more than that. 

You and Levi haven’t exactly had time to sort out your feelings for eachother. You were constantly being reminded that life is short and fleeting, and in the heat of the moment, you acted accordingly. You had no idea if this encounter meant something more to him. 

Because, with the way Levi put it, he had implied that to him, you were something valuable enough to lose. 

All your musings about the state of the two of you are swiftly forgotten the next morning. Levi takes the Regiment on a long scouting mission far past the walls, and tells everyone to prepare to gone for the entire day. You ride your horses out for miles, past rolling hills, green grass, and babbling streams. You are looking for a wayward group of Titans that has traveled to close to the walls. Commander Erwin and Levi are hoping that by taking out the small group, you will all be one step closer to figuring out the Titan’s movement patterns, if they have any. 

After several hours of travel, you stop to regroup by a nearby stream. You take this moment to attempt to get a glimpse of Levi’s face-up until now, you’ve been riding near the front of the pack, as per his orders, but he has neglected to turn back at you to give you a single order. 

Levi is preoccupied with Eren, standing close next to him, gesturing to his hand. From what you had heard, Eren was still unsure how to control his uncanny power of turning into a Titan. It was something that worried you, but you trusted Levi to figure it out. 

You were too secure in yourself to concern yourself with the fact that you and the Captain had not talked since the night before. You let the negative thoughts, the worries, wash off of you like the nearby stream, choosing instead to wash your face with the ice cold water. 

You have to get a hold of yourself. You had other issues to deal with than him. 

It takes a moment to notice Mikasa standing next to you. You attempt to make eye contact with her, but she is not paying attention, choosing instead to watch Levi’s exchange with Eren. 

“Do you think we’ll find out who any of the other Titan’s may be?” you say to her, attempting to make conversation. She jolts, then turns, as if seeing you for the first time. Her eyes look far away, as they always too, the sadness always there, simmering just below the surface. 

She has known death, just like you. You can tell. 

“I hope so. And I hope we don’t kill ourselves in the process.“ she says softly. You both stand there in solidarity, and you will yourself not to think of him, and you close your eyes as the breeze washes over you as you pretend that everything’s normal.

By the time the team returns back to homebase, your legs are shaking with fatigue. You did not encounter any Titans today, which is equally comforting and unnerving. According to Commander Erwin, one of the larger Titans may be herding the other ones in groups and planning to attack. You all rode for hours and hours, encountering nothing, with Levi pushing you to keep going. It was a long and tiring journey back. Everyone is at a loss at this point. It puts you on edge, not knowing. 

You are so tired that it is all you can do to quickly wash up before collapsing in your quarters at night. What comes as even more of a shock however, is the hand that touches your shoulder, willing you awake. 

It is Eren, his face twisted in confusion and anger.

“Hey. Captain Levi wants to see you in his office...do you know what he wants from you?” he says. You shake your head, your brain still muddled from fatigue. “Well. Don’t say anything bad about me. I know I can’t control myself yet, but I’m trying, and-” 

“I doubt it’s about that,” you say simply, pushing past him. You can feel his eyes, which are narrowed in suspicion, follow you as you go, but you choose to ignore him, your heart hammering in your chest as you approach Levi’s office. 

You take a deep breath, entering his office and closing the door behind you. 

Levi doesn’t look at you, although he can clearly sense that you’re there. You approach him, slowly, your body still aching from fatigue, until your standing over him as he sits in his chair.   
When he finally does look at you, the lamplight casting shadows across his face, his eyes soften, in sharp contrast with his harsh expression. 

“Was there any reason that you...chose not to visit me tonight?” he asks. You furrow your eyebrows, taken aback. Were you...expected to? He had not spoken to you the whole day, and his haunting words from the night before had left you with confusing feelings that were becoming harder and harder to ignore. 

“I..there wasn’t a particular reason,” you say, uncharacteristically nervous. “I was just...fatigued. and I’m very sore.” That’s all.” You feel your face start to heat up after your words. 

You should have specified that you were sore from the scouting today, not from...other activities. 

“Sore?” Levi says. You nod, and suddenly the air around you feels very thick, and you can’t tear yourself away from his intense gaze as he takes you in. “Well. In any case…” And before you can say anything else, Levi sinks to his knees in front of you. 

You gasp in surprise as his hands grab fistfuls of your shirt, sliding it up your body until your chest is exposed. His mouth leaves searing kisses across the planes of your skin as he makes his way down the length of your body. 

He spreads your legs slowly, pulling you closer so that his mouth is inches away from where you want it most. “We just...have to…” he says in between the kisses he plants on your inner thighs. “Make you less sore.” he pulls your pants and underwear down swiftly.

“Levi,” you trail off, shivers running up and down your spine from anticipation. 

“Do you want me to make you feel good, Y/N?” Levi asks softly, his mouth moving closer and closer. 

“Yes.” you say simply. 

You arch your back as he puts his mouth on you, and you moan as the pleasure, aching and wanting, starts to build within you. 

He lays his tongue flat and runs it between your lips, stopping to suck on your clit. He slips one finger inside, then two, curling them and caressing your inner walls as he continues sucking on your clit. 

“Don’t come yet,” Levi pleads, removing his fingers. You moan in disapproval, your hips moving towards him unconsciously. He puts his hands on your waist to stop you, kissing your outer lips. 

He moves his fingers in between your lips, teasing your opening. you let out a huff of frustrated air, trying to tell him to keep going, but he stops and looks up at you.

“Will you be good for me?” he asks softly. 

“Yes” you say, frustrated. He smirks, and his mouth is on you again. 

His tongue enters you, darting in and out. You can feel the warmth of his breath, the pleasant sensation of his tongue, everything. He brings you to the edge several times, and every time you feel like you can’t take it anymore, he stops. Until finally he doesn’t stop.

“You can come now.” he says. He looks up at you, and the sight of him there, with his mouth on you, his eyes soft and gentle, is enough to send you over the edge. 

You cry out as wave after wave of pleasure hits, your thighs squeezing Levi, making him stay in place. 

You grind against his face, trying to make the orgasm last longer, your body trembling with aftershocks. 

After a moment, you move your legs apart, releasing him.. He is smiling ever so slightly, his dark eyes looking at you almost lazily, as if he’s embracing you with them, his mouth slick with the remnants of your arousal. 

“Do you feel less sore?” he asks, trailing his fingers across your inner thigh. A soft chuckle escapes you, and you share a smile, because you both know the answer.


	3. Comfort

You sit on your cot in your quarters, wincing as you wrap a gnarly scrape on Mikasa’s leg with a spare shirt. Your mind is muddled as you work, and you struggle to steady your hands as the shock of the day starts to catch up to you. 

Your team was ambushed by a giant Titan, who cornered you in the woods, resulting in the loss of many lives. Everything moved too fast for you to process it; the cold, emotionless eyes of the Titan, blades ricocheting off of her seemingly indestructible flesh, her ice cold cunning as she brought her hands up to protect the back of her neck as she ran. 

You had done your part, you and Mikasa attempting to end her after she wiped out almost half your team. However, she was able to get away, despite your best efforts. You feel a shiver run through you as you realize that you narrowly avoided death once again, but you square your shoulders, shaking off the feeling. 

No one was quite sure who she was, or why she chose to transform into a Titan and betray humankind in this way. At this point, it was a race against time to discover her identity before it was too late. 

“How are you feeling?” You ask Mikasa, wrapping her wound as tight as you can to stop the bleeding. She winces, and says nothing, and you nod in understanding, letting the room fall into a silence. Mikasa has never been one for long speeches, and you can understand why. With everything she’s been through, it must be easier sometimes to keep it all bottled in. 

“I’m thinking about home,” she says after a while, flexing her leg to make sure the cloth around her wound holds up. And not for the first time, you wonder what she means by that. 

Sometimes it feels like there isn’t a home to return to. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
For the first time, Levi isn’t in his office when you open the door. 

You know that his room is connected to his office, only a door away, so you assume he’s in there. Even so, you feel a strange pang in your chest that you recognize as nervousness, which you can’t possibly understand. Levi has seen much more of you than most people have, and vice versa, so why should you be nervous? 

However, you have never entered his private quarters before. All of your encounters have been in his office or in the mess hall, and strangely enough, there has been something official about them. An illicit affair, perhaps a way to fulfill a physical need, even, instead of a growing relationship. 

A relationship. You shudder in fear at the idea. 

Eventually, curiosity gets the better of you, and you take a moment to glance at the papers on his desk. Everything is organized, and placed just so, but one piece of paper catches your eye. 

It’s a list of names of everyone in the Regiment, you realize. 

And a few names, including your own, are circled. 

“Y/N. I’m in here,” Levi calls out from the other room. Of course he heard you come in. 

You only stole a few moments to peek at his desk, and as you open the door to his quarters, you wonder if he noticed that you didn’t immediately announce yourself when you entered the room. However, he seems relatively unbothered, or as unaffected as one can be, given the circumstances. His shirt is unbuttoned, and he sits on the foot of his bed, catching your eye immediately. 

“Hello, Levi.” You say. He tilts his head, as if confused by your sudden formality. You stand at the door way in silence, watching him, waiting for him to say something to you. After a moment, he scoffs. 

“Lie down, idiot. I want to try something.” he says. You jolt, shaking yourself out of your stupor and walking over to the bed. After a moment’s hesitation, you lie down next to him. Levi scoots close so that you are almost chest to chest facing each other. 

“It’s chilly, isn’t it?” he says. You furrow your eyebrows, about to disagree. Even if it was chilly, shouldn’t he just get under the covers? 

And then he pulls you even closer, until every inch of your bodies are touching, and he wraps his arms around you and suddenly our bodies are completely intertwined. And instantly you understand. 

He is so close that you can feel his breath against your cheeks. You are aware of every point of contact between his body and yours, and for a moment, you are too in shock to speak. Something you can only describe as energy is hidden underneath the surface of his skin, tantalizing and intriguing, drawing you even closer to him. 

Strands of his silky black hair pleasantly tickle your face. You can feel yourself slowly start to warm up, and you splay your hands across Levi's back, delighting in the feeling of his warmth. 

For a not so brief moment, you imagine how much warmer you would be without anything between you, with his skin, smooth and hot, against yours. 

Levi’s eyes are closed, and for a moment, you think that he must have fallen asleep. But then he lets out a long, ragged breath, and the sound of it runs through you, sending shivers down your spine. 

You’ve never been held like this before. Not once in your life. And you don’t think Levi has either. You feel a flood of emotions wash over you like torrential downpour, and you can’t help the smile that adorns your face. 

You tentatively kiss Levi on the cheek. 

He stiffens for a long moment before. wrapping his arms tighter around you, planting kisses on your cheeks, your forehead, your eyelids. 

“I’m scared, Levi” you whisper to him in the near darkness.“I want to believe that I can change my fate. That I can shape it, and somehow influence the outcome. It’s scary to think that I have to deal with the hand that I’ve been dealt.” the words start to tumble out of you, and you can’t stop them, even if you wanted to. “I lost everything when I was really young. My parents, my home…I grew up with nothing, in the middle of nowhere. Thinking that everything that’s led up to this point, and everything that will come after, was all for nothing? That’s...scary. I have to believe I can change things for the better. I have to have hope.” you finish. 

Levi is silent for a while, and you start to pull away slightly, afraid you’ve scared him off. Instead, he sighs a low and deep sigh, as if giving in to something, and you feel his hand touch the side of your face, pulling me closer.

“You have a beautiful way of looking at things, Y/N.” he says before crashing his lips onto yours.

You gasp as your lips connect. You caress your tongue with his, and he lets out a low moan, catching your bottom lip in his teeth and tugging lightly. His touch is like a fire, hot and piercing, yet warm and all encompassing, leaving you wanting more. 

His hands run up and down your body, leaving pleasure in their wake.

He runs his hand up your thigh, hooking his fingers in the waistband of your pants and underwear and pulling it down. 

His fingers travel up the length of your thigh, inches away from where you need them the most.

“May I touch you?” he asks softly, his fingers making delicious circles on your skin.

“Yes.” you say. 

And his fingers slip inside you, causing you to cry out. 

He slips one finger inside you, then two, caressing you and causing the pleasure to build, slow and insistent. 

“Levi,” you moan, and he sucks at your neck, nipping and biting at it before soothing it with a kiss.

“The sounds you make…” Levi whispers as you writhe against his hand, “enchant me.” you try to reach for him, but he captures your hand with his, shaking his head.

“I want to take care of you first,” he says simply, before kissing you again. You close your eyes and everything falls away, and you focus on the feeling of Levi's hand, and the pleasure running through you as he strokes your inner walls, his thumb circling your clit. 

He touches a spot inside you that causes you to cry out, and he presses against it, stroking it insistently, leaving searing kisses down the side of your neck. Finally, the pressure becomes too much, and you let out a long, low moan as it releases, and you ride wave after wave of pleasure as you clench around his fingers. 

You take a moment to catch my breath, your body riddled with aftershocks. Levi brings his fingers to his lips, sucking on them. 

“You taste lovely,” he says softly, kissing you on the forehead. 

Eventually, his mouth meets yours again, and the kisses become more heated, and suddenly his hands are under your shirt and he is kissing your neck and saying your name over and over, and nothing else exists except for his touch, insistent and wanting. 

you unfasten his belt, unzipping his pants and releasing him. Levi’s lips brush against your collarbone, your neck, leaving traces of heat wherever they touch. 

“What do you want me to do to you?” He whispers softly.

“I...I want to be on top,” you say firmly.

Without hesitation, Levi shifts, lifting you up so that you’re straddling him, delighting in the shivers that run through you as his hands drift around your waist. You take a deep breath, shifting so that his cock is teasing your entrance. 

Levi groans as you slowly lower myself onto him. You force myself to relax, growing accustomed to the feeling of his body underneath you. 

And then you start to move. 

You focus on moving your hips, and you whimper as you grind your clit against his skin, leaving pleasant tingles through you down to the tips of your toes. 

“That feels...” Levi moans, trailing off, his hands gripping you. He lifts his hips, matching your rhythm, and you moan as the pleasure starts to build. 

You can’t help but feel exposed like this, with his eyes, dark and full of want, roaming across the length of your body. 

But you like it. 

His hands press against your ass firmly, lifting you so that part of his cock slides out of you and back in again. He thrusts into you, until the pressure becomes too much, and you tighten around him.

You cry out as you orgasm, grinding into him again and again. You rest your hands on his chest, catching your breath, your body shivering. But Levi isn’t done yet. You can feel his hardness inside you, insistent. 

“Fuck...Levi, I’m tired-” you say, already feeling your legs growing sore from the effort and from the events of the day. A knowing look spreads across his face. Then he lifts you off of him before placing you down on your side and doing the same, facing you so that your arms and legs are tangled together.

“Is this alright?” he asks. You nod, and gasp as he enters you again. You twist your fingers in his hair, pulling, and he lets out a long, low moan, going faster. “I know you can come again.” he whispers into your ear, his tongue travelling down the length of your neck and back up again. 

“Okay...fuck…” you whimper. You push past the overstimulation as the ebbs of pleasure start to build again. His arms and legs are wrapped tight around you, and his breath assaults your ear, heavy and hot and panting, as you are brought back closer to the edge. 

He kisses you, and the feeling of his cock inside you and his hand rubbing against your clit is enough to send you into freefall.  
Levi comes first, his head resting against your neck, biting lightly, and you follow, clenching yourself around him, shaking as another wave of pleasure hits.

Levi kisses your neck, your shoulder, before sliding himself out of me with a sigh. You let yourself get lost in the feeling of his skin against yours, warm and soothing, as the minutes tick away. 

Eventually, Levi leaves and returns with a cold cloth, and he wipes the sweat and come off of his bed and off of the sheets before lying down next to you. 

After a while, you finally regain the strength to speak. 

“What if someone comes in? Shouldn’t we keep watch, or lock the door or something?” You ask, already half asleep. 

“I will stay awake for as long as I can, Y/N. Just try to sleep.” Too tired to refuse, you allow your eyes to close.

“I suppose I should thank you,” you say to him, and you feel his hand caress the side of your face. 

“There is no need. You have done so much for me already.” And before you can figure out what he means, the sound of Levi’s breathing, slow and deep, and the heat of his skin and the feeling of his arms around you, lull you to sleep.


	4. Insubordinate

A knock at the door sends a jolt through you as you awaken. 

Your eyes widen, and you turn over to look at Levi, but he is already throwing on a shirt and pants, leaving the bedroom and heading to the door of his office to open it. You slide on your panties and a shirt before hiding underneath the bed, willing your heart to stop its frantic beating. 

You told him to lock the fucking door. 

“What is it, Hange?” you hear Levi ask, and you breathe a sigh of relief. Your best guess is that they have a question about the Regiment, and you can only hope it has nothing to do with you. 

“You look tired,” Hange says, and you can hear a lilt, and maybe a hint of suspicion, in their voice. 

“I had work to do. What is it,” Levi says, his voice steady, almost bored. He is a good liar. 

“I was wondering if you had made any progress on finding…” their voice gets quieter, and you can visualize them leaning closer to Levi, their glasses fogging over with excitement at their newest scheme. “the possible...traitor.” 

Levi and Hange’s conversation continues, but you aren’t listening to them. Instead, you feel your heart rate start to quicken once more as you are reminded of what you saw on Levi’s desk last night. Your skin starts to itch, and you dig your nails into the heels of your hands as you feel the beginnings of anger start to grow within you. 

It’s not long before you hear the door close, and you slide out from under the bed, sitting at the foot of it, waiting to confront Levi. He re enters the room, his eyes softening slightly as he makes eye contact and sits next to you. He parts his lips, as if to speak, but you stop him, interrupting him before he can. 

“Why was my name circled?” you ask, struggling to keep yourself under control. 

“What?” Levi asks. His brow is furrowed as if annoyed, and you’re about to backtrack, but you shake your head, deciding to stand your ground. 

“I saw a list of names on your desk. And my name was circled.” Levi’s eyes widen for a second, and then narrows at your confession. 

“Why were you looking at that...that information is confidential. You have no right-.” 

“You haven’t answered the question. You think...I’m one of them?” You can feel your eyes start to sting, the beginnings of furious tears starting to erupt. You force them to stay down, even though you can feel the emotions starting to build once again inside you, the ones you desperately try to keep hidden away. 

“There’s a lot of things we have to consider. The fact that you suddenly transferred to my Regiment. The fact that you claim to have killed seven Titans by yourself-”

“It was the adrenaline-” 

“And I want to believe that.” Levi’s words send a shock through you. You hang onto that one word, the “want,” within that sentence. Because it means that he doesn’t believe it. He doesn’t believe you.

“You don’t fucking trust me. But you trust me enough to ride you, right? Is that it?” you spit. Levi’s eyes grow heavy, and you can see the beginning of aggression flare up inside him. 

Despite your better judgement, the tension growing between you as both your voices raise only causes the dull ache of wanting between your legs to grow, stronger than ever before. 

Not for the first time, you wonder what the fuck is wrong with you. 

“Don’t take this too far.” Levi says, and his face is inches away from yours. He is furious now. 

“Take what too far?” You say, furious now. You lean even closer, and Levi flinches, leaning away from you. And you feel a thrill go through you as a realization washes over you, slowly, yet all at once. 

“This...your...insubordination-

“Get on your knees.” you say simply, 

Levi blinks at you, as if taken aback. 

“What did you just say?” he asks, his arms crossed. 

“Get on your knees,” you repeat. And he does, kneeling on the floor, albeit with anger in his eyes, confirming your suspicions. You stand over him, feeling the beginnings of a smile start to grow at the corner of your lips. “I know who you really are, Levi. I can see it in your eyes.” 

“You...you-” Levi bows his head, his body shaking with anger. 

“I’m a what? A brat? An idiot?” You grab a fistful of his hair in your hand, forcing him to look at you. “Say it.” 

Levi says nothing, his mouth set in a line. you smirk, bringing your mouth close to his ear. 

“You’re the idiot here. Not me.” you say. 

And Levi shudders with pleasure. 

“What do you want, brat? What do you need? I need you to fucking say it.” you say.

“How dare you-” You yank at his hair harder, causing him to cry out, at you glance at the thickening bulge in his pants, a triumphant feeling rushing through you at the sight. 

“Say it,” you repeat, softer this time. He takes a long and deep shaky breath, and you can feel the tension in the room change, and the roles shift, as he submits to you. 

“I...I want you to fuck me.”

“You want me to fuck you?” you tease.

“I need you to fuck me. Please.”

“Please what?” you ask.

“Please...captain.” he says.

You get to work quickly, grabbing both of your belts off the floor. You use the first one to blindfold him, and the second one to tie his hands behind his back. And then you push him down lightly so then he collapses on the floor, his breath escaping him in short, excited bursts. 

You straddle Levi, pulling his pants down and yanking his shirt up. You kiss your way down his torso, delighting in the little yelps of pleasure he makes. 

Slowly, deliberately, you pull his undergarments down to reveal his cock. 

It is fully erect, large, thick, intimidating, with a vein running down the side. You run your pointer finger along that vein, and the sound he makes is delicious. 

“You don’t have to-ah…” Levi gasps as you take him into your mouth.

Levi lets out a long and low moan as your mouth envelops him. His cock is warm inside you, and you work quickly, running your tongue on the underside of his cock, teasing the ridge between the head and the shaft with your tongue, letting his moans and almost silent curses guide you in your task. 

You take him almost all the way in, as far as you can go without gagging, your hand slowly stroking the base to make up the difference.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” Levi is muttering, driving you to the brink of deliria and back again. All you can think about is: Getting. Levi. Off. 

You lick the tip for a few moments, sucking on it, teasing it, spitting on your fingers and letting your hand travel up and down and up and down. Levi is moaning, shaking, writhing, his back arched, his face starting to grow slick with sweat. 

“Fuck, I...Y/N-” 

“What, slut? Speak up. I can’t hear you over the sound of you moaning,” you say smugly. 

“Don’t stop.”

“Say please.” 

“Please. Fuck. Please, Captain. Don’t stop.” 

Eventually, as your mouth and hand starts to get tired, Levi mutters something. 

“I’m going to come...Captain. Where do you want me to come?” you stop to pull off his blindfold and untie him. 

“Why don’t you come all over your slutty body.” You say, and you can see him tense up in disgust at the thought of his own fluids covering his body.

He is a clean freak after all. 

Still, he doesn’t dare disobey his Captain’s orders. 

“...Yes, sir.” and you watch as his hand grips his cock and he throws his head back and he pumps up and down and his come lands on his torso, his body shaking with aftershocks as he looks at you with half-lidded eyes.

“What now…” he asks, panting heavily as the come starts to dry on his skin. “What..are you going to do to me next, sir?”  
You run your hands along the length of him before instructing him to turn onto his stomach. He does, and you let your tongue, wet and hot, run down his back, until finally, suddenly, it finds itself where Levi needs it most. 

Levi whimpers, his back arching, as your tongue traces and teases his opening. 

“Captain...please…” Levi whispers, and you chuckle, pulling back, grabbing a hold of a belt and striking it across his ass without warning. He cries out as you hit him again and again, your belt leaving beautiful red stripes across his skin. 

You toss the belt aside, planting kisses on his bare ass to soothe him, letting your fingers trail across the sensitive skin there, moving lower. 

You let your finger travel until it reaches his rim, and let it rest there. You tease his opening again, eventually, pushing one finger inside, and instantly you feel Levi clench around it. 

“Breathe,” you whisper in his ear, and he shudders, taking a deep breath as you feel him loosen, inviting you to push in further. It is a process. Breathe, push in further. Clench, unclench. You add another finger, slowly. Eventually, you curl your fingers inside him, pumping in and out for several moments, twisting your fingers until you find something inside of Levi that causes him to gasp, his back arching further. 

You stroke that spot with his fingers, savoring every moan and shudder that escapes him. Just when it seems like he’s about to go over the edge, you stop. 

“Stay there,” you say, your mind clouded with desire. You open Levi’s cabinet, where his ODM gear is hanging. You disassemble it, attaching the hip harness to your body. And then you look about the room, until you find something to fuck Levi with. 

“This is your hairbrush, isn’t it?” you ask him. “This is what makes your hair so soft and pretty?”

Levi’s face is still pressed into the ground, his back arched, and a whimper escapes him as you tease his opening with the handle of it. 

You hit the hairbrush against the dresser hard enough for it to snap in half, leaving you with the handle. You fumble with the harness around your waist until the handle is attached to it.

You search through his bedside drawer, finding a bottle of oil and opening it. 

You pour some of the oil on your hand, stroking your makeshift cock with it. Levi’s breath is labored, his jagged dark hair falling into his face, his eyes lazily roaming over your body. Finally, you position yourself between his legs, leaning over to whisper in his ear. 

“Are you ready? Are you sure?” you ask. 

“Yes.” Levi whimpers. And he gasps as you push into him. 

You let the tip of your cock in, waiting for Levi to clench and then relax before going further. You make sure he is relaxed completely before you bottom out inside of him, and you feel Levi shift until he-

“Fuck.” is all Levi can say, and you smile a triumphant smile as you slowly slide out of him, and then back in, hitting that spot again and again, deliciously slow. 

“How would the higher-ups feel, knowing that a nobody like me was fucking you right now?” you whisper in his ear, one hand twisted up in his hair and forcing his face further into the floor, the other wrapping around his cock. Levi groans at that, grinding himself into your hand.

“Poor little Captain Levi, getting fucked by my cock.” you coo. 

That is all it takes to send Levi reeling, and he lets out a long moan as he comes, and you fuck your strap into him even harder, feeling your panties grow slick with arousal as you watch him topple over the edge, all worries forgotten, just pleasure and the sound of each other, breathing together as one as he climaxes. 

“Now whose insubordinate,” you mutter as you slip out of him, your breath labored from arousal and exhaustion.


	5. Forgiveness

You don’t talk to Levi for several days after...the incident. 

He is polite, or as polite as he ever is, giving you a curt nod in the mess hall, or telling you to improve your form during sparring. But he makes no effort to initiate further contact or to call you to his office. 

You tried knocking once, and announcing yourself, but you received no reply. And so you left, hoping that he was already asleep, although you knew that couldn’t be so. The man never slept. 

You didn’t think he was upset about...what transpired. It wasn’t about that. 

However, you know that you couldn’t be the only one who felt the shift in power in the air as he submitted to you. To make matters worse, you still feel the sting of betrayal at the idea that Levi doesn’t completely trust you. 

At the same time, what could you expect? You did join his Regiment so suddenly, and you could understand how your claims could seem to be far fetched. Still, you can’t deny the part of that wishes the past few encounters you had had with Levi had meant something more. Maybe you miscalculated. 

~

It doesn’t take long for your name to be cleared 

You, Eren, Mikasa, Jean, and Armin spearheaded a mission to discover who the Titan in the woods was. After a long discussion, Eren affirmed that it was Annie, a woman who presumably chose to join the Military Police. 

Now, as you sit on a bed that is not your own inside the city walls, you get chills as you think back to the moment when Armin asked Annie to come underground with him. Her face had twisted into a bone-chilling expression as she laughed, and with a giant flash of light and smoke, she had transformed into a Titan.

The area had erupted into chaos, and it was all the rest of you could do to try to keep everyone safe as she attempted to escape destruction in her wake. You were hit by fallen debris, but you pushed through the pain in your attempt to pursue her. 

You consider yourselves lucky that Eren was able to transform as well and apprehend her. If he hadn’t been there, you’re not sure what would have happened. You see a flash of her in your mind, her eyes closed as she stood there, crystallized and immobile. 

You shake off the memory, gulping down a glass of water from the bedside table before looking out the window. The sunlight outside is unrelenting, spilling into the room and bathing it in an otherworldly glow. Not for the first time, you wonder if you’re dreaming this. It’s hard for you to comprehend how much your life has changed in the past few weeks. Levi was not exaggerating when he said the Scout Regiment was not for the faint of heart. 

Speaking of which-

A knock at the door sends you back to reality, and you blink, realizing how lost in thought you’ve been. At first, you lie to yourself, and think it might be Mikasa coming to check on you, or a nurse coming to see how you are faring considering the circumstances, but you know that’s not true. No, that’s far from the truth. 

“Hello, Captain Levi.” you say as soon as you open the door. 

“Hello, Y/N.” he replies. 

The two of you just stand there for a while, staring at each other. 

“You can come in.” you say. You step back to grant him entry, and he looks around the room, at anywhere but you. He walks over to the window, wincing as he sees the dust gathering on the windowsill. You lock the door, standing in front of it. 

“They should have someone come in and clean the room,” he says. “You shouldn’t have to stay here in this filth.” 

“Thank you for your concern,” you say simply, crossing your arms. You’ve never seen Levi this uncomfortable, and it’s a strange sight, considering the fact that he’s usually so composed. He moves towards the bed, and hesitates before sitting down on the edge of it. 

“Are you healed now?”

“Yes. My shoulder got hit from the debris, but I should be fine by tomorrow.” As if on cue, you feel a dull ache in your shoulder, a painful reminder. 

“Before we knew who the Titan was, I suspected you.” Levi pauses, as if considering his next words very carefully. “I was wrong.” 

“...That’s it?’ you say. You are trying to stay angry, but it’s difficult to when he’s in person like this, his expression more earnest than you’ve seen before. Levi furrows his eyebrows, and finally looks at you. 

“if you’re looking for an apology, I’m afraid I can’t give you one. I can’t apologize for the fact that I listed you as a potential traitor. It’s my job to be thorough, and to cast my personal feelings aside.” 

“And what, exactly…” you say, walking towards him slowly, “Are your personal feelings?” You are standing over him now, and he stares at you, his eyes steady and trained on your own. 

“You know what they are. Don’t be an idiot.”

“You’re the idiot,” you say softly, sitting in his lap and pressing his lips against yours. 

You close your eyes, your heart beating faster as your tongue intertwines with his, and the heat of his breath and the feeling of his lips on yours causes the walls around your heart to start to break down one by one. 

You sigh into his mouth, twisting your fingers in his silky hair as he slowly lays down with you on top of him. Your hands are twisted in his shirt so tight that the neck of it stretches. His fingers slide the soft cotton of your shirt up, resting against your back. You shiver, and he pulls you even closer. 

The sun breaks through the clouds, and its rays are pleasant on your skin as he takes your shirt off and exposes your bare chest to the warm air. 

Your mind goes blank, and you focus on the feeling of Levi’s mouth against yours, the pleasant shivers that run through you as he swipes your lower lip with his tongue, the feeling of his bare chest, his skin hot underneath your palms. 

His fingers skate across your skin. The sound of his breathing fills your ears. His arms are wrapped around you so tight you can hardly think. But you don’t want to. All you want is for him to never go away, for him to never leave. 

He pulls back from you for a moment to caress the side of your face, and you realize this is his apology, interwoven with the way he caresses you, the way he kisses you. 

“Every day,” Levi says in between kisses, “I worry I might lose you. It’s all I can think about. I don’t how much time any of us have left in this world -”

“I know, Levi,” you say, feeling a threatening sting in your eyes indicating tears that are about to fall. The feelings that you have tried to suppress, and all the pain you have experienced, is teetering over the edge, about to enter free fall. 

You will the emotions away for a moment, to enjoy this time with Levi. You are especially adept at that, after all. 

Soon, the rest of your clothes are thrown off and left in a heap on the floor. Levi’s hands caress your body, sending pleasant shivers through you as he rolls your nipples between his fingers and kisses and sucks on your neck. 

You run your hands across the planes of his skin, and you wrap your arms around him as he positions himself at your entrance, and the room is silent but it isn’t at the same time, because the way the two of you feel about each other, the way you look at and touch one another, holds more weight than words could ever express. 

You arch your back, the evidence of your pleasure escaping in a low long moan as he enters you with one deep thrust, his hand against your throat squeezing lightly, his half lidded eyes never leaving yours. 

He is beautiful, with his half parted lips and his labored breath. 

You want to reach out with your fingers and trace the dark circles around his eyes that indicate his fatigue, and kiss every bruise and scar and perfect imperfection on his body, and you want to know more of him, and you want to hurt the people that hurt him, and you want to see more, you want to know everything because every part of him is beautiful. 

He looks at you sometimes like you're made of glass, like he’s afraid of breaking you, but you desperately want him to. 

He moans as he grinds against you, the facade finally broken, because in these moments that the two of you share, he doesn’t have to pretend, and he doesn’t have to hide. 

“I feel this.” you murmur against his lips, pressing into them again and again as your body aches with pleasure every time Levi thrusts into you and back out again. “Do you feel this?” 

He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t have to say anything at all.   
You lie there in bed for hours holding each other. It is completely dark in the room now except for a single strip of moonlight that has escaped through the curtains and landed on you. As your eyelids start to feel heavy, you have a brief thought, a realization, that your feelings for Levi have passed the point of no return, before you fall asleep that way, your bodies so close that no one would be able to tell where one person started and the other began.


	6. Reprieve

Having a...relationship (of sorts) with Captain Levi does have its benefits. 

The next day, you are allowed to leave the hospital and take up brief residence in Levi's temporary quarters within the walls.

Getting there is tricky, as it is best for no one to find out about the two of you, and so Levi gives you directions on how to get there, forcing you to take side streets and alleyways with the promise to join you later that day. 

His room is bare, and impeccably clean, just like in HQ. Because you are still recovering, he doesn't force you to tidy up, and instead lets you lounge in his bed for the rest of the day. 

You feel a pang in your chest, mostly from guilt, with the knowledge that Mikasa, Hange, and the rest of the Survey Corps are conducting a mission beyond the walls in light of Annie's betrayal. 

You wish you could join them, but you have been told by the doctors that if you strain your shoulder too much before it heals completely, then the damage might be permanent. You sigh, figuring its best to wait at least one more day before rejoining the cause. You are of much better use to Hange and the others if your health is at its peak. 

Despite knowing all this, you can't help but feel a slight tinge of boredom creep up inside you as you spend most of the day napping or staring out the window. Levi has other affairs to deal with, and it's not like he has a book or any sort of entertainment in his temporary quarters. 

However, a part of you feels strangely gratetul at having this opportunity to reflect. It's not one that has been granted to you in the past few weeks, not since you joined the Scout Regiment. 

You haven't even had time to mourn the tragedy that resulted in the death of the other members of your squadrant in the Garrison Regiment. But maybe that's a good thing. You're worried that if you do stop to think of it, the tears might start falling and will never stop. You can't afford that kind of interruption, that kind of descent into despair. 

And so you shall continue to repress your emotions, as you usually do. 

Your heart jumps at the sound of Levi opening the door, and your eyes snap open, still bleary from the almost nap you just had. Levi shuts the door behind him, taking off his coat and shoes before looking at you with an unreadable expression, as usual. 

Nothing was truly said the day before; no statements or declarations of affection were made by any means, but your dynamic has shifted all the same. This has been a constant theme between the two of you; every single interaction, even every altercation, only brings you closer to him. 

You wonder if your connection to Levi is like creeping closer and closer to the edge of a cliff-you should be scared, terrified, even, at the knowledge that one day you might go over the edge, but the truth is, you'll be too busy enjoying the descent. 

"Hello, Levi," you say, blinking in an attempt to fight the fatigue you feel weighing you down. You wonder if you'll ever feel energized, but a part of you knows the answer to that.

"Hello," he answers. He stares at you for a moment longer before approaching, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

"You can lie down, you know," you mention. Levi raises his eyebrows, then looks down at his clothes, sighing. 

"My clothes aren't clean. I'll ruin my sheets."

"Then-I don't know, take your clothes off." you say. "Damn, just lie down." Levi blinks, as if taken aback from your words, and then starts to slowly unbutton his shirt, his eyebrows furrowing as your gaze never falters.

"You don't have to stare at me while I do it."

"It's nothing I haven't seen before." you reply quickly. His eyes soften for just a moment, and he stops undressing, looking away. 

"That's different, idiot." he says. 

Sensing this might be a point of insecurity for him, you don't press the issue, and instead, dramatically bury your head into a pillow. You hear Levi let out a huff of breath, and the room is silent for a moment as he resumes his task of undressing. 

"You're in a strange mood, aren't you?" he says. "You're acting like four-eyes." 

"It's because I've been cooped up all day. I haven't been able to talk to anyone. But it's been nice. I can't remember the last time I've been to rest for this long," you explain. You hear the blankets shift, and you turn you body so that your facing Levi in bed. 

The sky outside has already started to go dark, but you can still see most of Levi's face, the dark circles around his eyes highlighting his exhaustion, his skin pale and almost iridescent in the moonlight. 

You want to reach out and touch him, but you stop yourself. He seems in a more forlorn mood, even more than usual. You decide it might be more beneficial to try to talk to him, to reach out to him. There will be time for...other things later.

To you, Levi seems like a man that is struggling to connect. All his brash words and aggression are underscored by his selflessness and his head pats. He is a man who, to you, seemingly craves love and affection, but unfortunately lives in a world in which those two things are almost impossible to receive, let alone prioritize.

You wonder if this man, with his cleanliness and his tea drinking and his fancy suits and his endless sarcasm, would have lived a happier life in another time, in another place, where every second of his life wasn't spent fighting for the survival of humanity. 

But...there's no point in worrying about what can never be, is there? 

"How did we get here, Levi?" you say after a brief pause, your confusion evident in your voice. "I mean...I thought you hated me at first. But now look where we are." 

"I still hate you." 

"Oh...okay."

"But that's not all I feel for you. I hate everyone, so don't take it personally." he says. You let out a huff of air, assuming that there's a joke in there somewhere, but Levi doesn't laugh. 

His expression is steady, and you think for a moment that maybe there was something important in that statement. Maybe there was a hidden message in there that you missed. But the moment passes before you can recapture it. 

Surprisingly, before you can respond, Levi pulls you closer to him, so that your foreheads are pressed together and your limbs are intertwined. 

He has done this before, yes, but it feels...different this time, more intimate. You're not sure what to make of it. Sometimes his words and his actions can be perplexing. You decide to let that feeling go and focus on the feeling of his skin against yours. 

"Oh, okay, Levi. I see your walls coming down. I appreciate it." you say after a moment. 

"We don't want the walls to come down. That's the whole point of the Regiment." 

"..."

"..."

"Why are you so sassy, Levi?"

"Am I?"

"...Yes. You are." 

Levi says nothing, although you swear you can see the faintest ghost of a smile gracing his lips. You're not sure if you can even call it that-his lips twitched more than anything-but you'll take what you can get. 

"Is that a smile I see?" You say teasingly. 

"I don't smile." Levi says. 

After a while, he adds: "I don't remember the last time I have." 

The two of you lie there in silence as the weight of his words wash over you like a wave.

Levi shakes his head, as if to scatter the thought away, clearing it out of the room, never to be discussed again. 

At least not for a long time.


	7. Unrelenting

Because Levi seems reluctant to tell you his story, you decide to start with yours. 

"I told you about how I lived in the orphanage, right?" You say to him in the darkness. 

"Yes." he says after a while, the heat of his breath comforting on your skin. He is facing you on the bed, and you reach out to stroke the soft strands of his hair splayed across his forehead as you speak. 

"But I never told you what it was like with my parents. What happened during the...the incident."

Levi says nothing, but he is listening intently, you can tell. His breathing is steady, and his expression, albeit hard to see in the darkness, is trained onto you. His presence is comforting, encouraging you to continue your story. 

"My parents were...they...they had a lot going on. They were frustrated with their line of work, and with the state of the world, and so they fought alot. Sometimes they took it out on me." You say. you try to keep your voice steady, but your hands are shaking, and you feel cold. "It got to be almost too much. More than I could bear. And then...I woke up one day and I went to the kitchen and I saw them. I could have sworn that I had felt someone standing over me the night before and I was right. I should have woken up, because...they were lying on the kitchen floor, and the front door was open, and...there was so much blood, and I tried to stop the bleeding but there were so many stab wounds, and...I..." you falter, unable to say much more. You've said all you've needed to say. "It's terrible to say I'm used to death and loss. But I am. We all are. And I want you to know that I'm hear for you, if you ever want to talk." 

Levi takes in your words, and the room is silent for a moment. 

"Y/N..."

"Yes, Levi?"

"What did the person look like?"

"Huh?"

"The person who was standing over you?"

"Uh...I don't remember...I just remember a trench coat, I think. Covered in blood. And a hat," you say, unsure of where this is going. 

"What did your parents do for work?" 

"Huh? I don't see how that-" 

"What did they do for work?" Levi insists, his eyes furrowing. You answer him, confused. 

"They were apart of the Military Police. That's why I joined up, and went to the Garrison." you say slowly. "I guess I wanted something to remember them by, even though they-"

Before you can continue, Levi rolls over until his back is facing you, and it feels as if a stake has been driven through your chest. 

"Why do you do that?" you say slowly, resentment and hurt starting to build inside you. 

"What?"

"Every time I try to get to know you, every time I try to tell you about my past, you shut down-" 

"You shouldn't have told me any of this," Levi says, his voice uncharacteristically shaky. 

"Why not?" You say, sitting up, your voice starting to raise. " I told you because I trust you, and this is how you act? Why shouldn't I have told you-"

"Because I know who-" Levi starts to say, but stops himself. You stop for a moment, the confusion only growing. 

"You know who what?" you say. 

Levi is silent. 

"...You know who what?" you repeat, firmly this time, and Levi still doesn't answer. A part of you, deep inside, deep in your gut, knows where this is going, and a part of you also doesn't want to confirm your suspicions. And so you decide to drop the topic. 

"It doesn't matter," Levi says after a while. " What matters is the fact that what we're doing is unprofessional-

"Don't do that," you say. "Don't pull that this is unprofessional shit on me, like I wanted for any of this to happen. I'm not stupid." 

Levi doesn't answer you. 

You watch him for a while. You look at his back, at his shoulders that almost look like wing tips with the way the moonlight is splayed across them. He has so many scars and bruises, so many places where wounds never completely healed, and you can see the slight indents of his skin that have been exacerbated by the ODM harness he wears daily. Despite all that, his skin is still soft in places, pliable despite all the lean muscle. 

For a second, his back is replaced with another one in your mind, someone from the past:

Someone one whose skin shined russet brown like the underside of a butterfly wing soaring through the twilight tinged sky. Someone who's hair was twisted and coiled into coarse sable strands that were cut short enough to make the planes of their cheekbones and the fullness of their lips all the prominent as you kissed in the dark. 

The image disappears as quickly as it comes. 

"Breslau was my...best friend," you say after a while. "In the Garrison Regiment. We used to complain about training together. We would always save some of our rations so that we could eat them together in the middle of the night, outside, while everyone else was asleep. They were really mean to me. Like you are. But they cared about me." 

Like you do. you want to say. But you don't. Because you're not sure. 

"Are you sure they were just a friend?" he asks. "It sounds like they were your lover or something." Sometimes you forget how blunt Levi can be. You sigh, holding your head in your hands. 

"Yes. I guess you could say that. Anyway...That day when the Titans attacked...I looked away for one second, for one moment, and they were gone." You bite your lip to stop yourself from crying. You refuse to cry. Not now. Not when Levi won't even look at you. "And I couldn't do anything to stop it from happening. I couldn't do anything to help save someone that I l...cared for very much." 

"...And you wonder why I keep pushing you away," Levi says softly, so softly that you can barely hear it. 

You feel a fluttering in your chest start to form as you process Levi's words. That's why he doesn't want to get too close. Because he doesn't want either of you to lose each other like you lost Breslau. 

You hold that thought in your heart for a moment, and tuck it away, deep inside, at the center of your heart. You hope you'll get the chance to look at it once more one day, when Levi eventually gives up on you, or leaves you, or decides that you're asking for more than he can give. At least you'll have this moment-you and him in a bed in the moonlight. 

So you continue to tell him everything. And you hope to god that he's listening. 

~~~

The fact that you even got a day of rest is surprising to you. 

And thus, what is unsurprising is the feeling of Levi's hands on you, shaking you awake a few hours later.

You should have known it was too good to be true. 

"Wake up, idiot," he says, and your eyes snap open. You are disoriented for a moment, and you blink once, then twice, to try to get ahold of your surroundings. 

That's right-you spent the day in Levi's bed. But the memory of your late night conversation, and your subsequent argument, feels like a distant memory to you now, especially when you hear his next words: 

"A Titan has been discovered inside the walls."


	8. Impasse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy! canon divergence from this point, but the gist is still there, ya feel

The next several days pass by almost too quickly for you to keep up. 

You and Levi's Squad confront Pastor Nick, who begs for all of you to cover up the discovery of the Titan within the walls. You can't fathom why concealing information like this would be in humanity's best interest, but you also understand the mass panic that might be caused by taking this information public without further investigation. 

Levi refuses to let you go on the expedition to defeat more Titans within Wall Rose , claiming that you need more rest. Something about his words don't seem to ring true-you understand that the two of you are both injured from your respective battles, however, his sense of favoritism towards you is practically stifling at this point. You can't help but wonder if there is something he isn't telling you. 

You know that it is likely that Hange's squad will make their way to the wall at some point in their expedition, and you vaguely remember the point where they are most likely to rendezvous. There are specific outposts on the outerwalls that contain lifts so that the horses can be used on expeditions and brought back. There's no way of knowing where on the wall they will end up, but you figure that it's better to try than anything else. 

You figure before you go, however, that it can't hurt to...solidify Levi's faith in you. 

~ 

Your mouth is on Levi's the moment he closes the door behind him and takes his shoes off. He flinches in surprise, and then leans into your touch, clearly against his better judgement, before forcing himself to pull back before looking at you. 

"What are you doing," he asks quietly, and a thrill goes through you at the realization that a single kiss from you has caused him to be out of breath. 

"What do you think I'm doing?" you whisper against his lips. He blinks once, then twice, as if trying to put the pieces together. "I'm trying to make you feel good." 

"...We're upset with eachother, idiot. Remember?" Levi retorts, even as he leans in and presses his lips against yours, caressing your tongue with his. The kiss grows even more heated, and you break away so that you can bite and suck on the skin of Levi's neck, deep enough to leave a mark. He grunts, and leans into your rough kisses, his breath growing more labored the more your run your hands across his body. 

You didn't expect him to be this riled up after only a few days. 

"I know, but pleaseee, Captain?" you say, looking at him as you get down on your knees in front of him. "I promise I'll be good." 

Levi's furrows his brow, quickly unbuckling his belt with uncharacteristically shaky hands. 

"Fine. Hurry up, brat," he mutters, feigning indifference, but his faint breath and the feeling of him in your hand, hard and ready, betrays him. 

"Use my mouth," you say, and you open your mouth slowly, adjusting yourself so that you envelop Levi's cock with your mouth. He groans at the heat and follows your command, his hips moving automatically as he begins to fuck your face. 

You feel the head of him hit against the back of your throat, and you wince, tears starting to well up in your eyes as you struggle to take him in completely. Still you persist, your hands against his hips to brace yourself as you delight in the feeling of him thrusting into your mouth. 

Despite his persistent movements, he is still surprisingly gentle, his soft grunts and pants sending chills down your spine as he chases his own completion. 

You decide to help him along, and you open your mouth, laying your tongue flat. He understands your intention, and so he grinds the head of his cock against your tongue, and slowly his grunts turn into low and deep moans that you swear you can feel throughout your entire body. 

It isn't long until he mutters a curse, and you wrap your lips around him as his come floods your mouth. You swallow completely, releasing him and watching as his eyes close and he slumps against the door, his legs shaking. Levi slowly slides down the door until he's sitting down, and you position yourself in his lap, planting kisses on his temple, on his neck, his palms. 

"Messy," Levi mutters, wiping at a drop of come at the corner of your mouth. "Disgusting," he says, and you hate that his words send a thrill through you. 

Despite his musings, he leans down and kisses you nonetheless, his lips skating across your own before kissing the tip of your nose and your cheeks. "Get cleaned up," he says. "I'll go after you," and you do, and your heart swells as the kind gesture is not lost on you. 

~

You know that there is no way for you to sneak out while Levi's sleeping. He is an extremely light sleeper, and very smart. It's likely he'll catch you before you even have one foot out the bedroom door. Luckily, Levi is often gone during the day, and so, after he leaves for the day, you wait until the late afternoon, figuring people are less likely to ask questions if you're in the shadow of almost darkness. 

You take Levi's spare ODM which is hanging in his wardrobe along with a spare cloak, saying a silent apology to him in your mind before putting the hood on and climbing out the window. You figure it's wisest not to be seen by any attendants at the front door, so using your ODM-sparingly, to save gas, of course- you traverse the city by travelling from rooftop to rooftop. 

Luckily, it seems as if your instincts were correct, and this mode of travel is much faster than simply travelling on foot. You are quick and quiet enough not to alert the MPs (although they are suspiciously absent today), and you eventually make your way to the outer Wall. 

You travel along the length of it; you're trying to find horses in lifts, as that is most likely where Hange's sqaud will be. 

After about an hour or so, you find them-there are horses in lifts, and so you figure Hange's squad must be at the top of the wall, ready to return home. You use your ODM and begin scaling the wall when you notice a curious looking section of the wall at eye level from you. 

It's a section of the wall that's almost shaped like a large octagon. It also looks newer than the rest of the wall. But that doesn't make any sense. You don't remember any Titans breaching this portion of the wall. 

Unless someone is- 

You're not sure how you move as quickly as you do, but you are able to swing out of the way as a cloaked figure leaps out from behind the piece covering the wall, brandishing a knife. You don't have time to process the fact that they were hiding inside the wall and that they have ODM gear (albeit an older model) before they swing towards you. 

You attempt to dodge, but you're not quick enough, and they are able to slash at your shoulder, the same one that was injured for so long. 

But adrenaline is running through you, and so you grab their leg as they attempt to climb up the wall, not feeling the pain in your shoulder just yet, although you know it will creep up soon. 

You have no idea who the person is, as there is a hood covering their head, and the hood is eerily similar to the one you are wearing, except-

You start to hear voices as the person climbs further and further up the wall, attempting to kick you off. But you hold on, refusing to let go. Someone is shouting now, on top of the wall, and you start to get a terrible feeling as dread washes over you.

You cry out as the person kicks you off of them, and you panic for a moment as you start to fall. 

The wind rushes past you, blowing your-or rather, Levi's-cloak away, but then you remember that it isn't over yet, and so you activate your ODM, hooking it to the top of the wall and shooting yourself up in seconds until you land-

And as you land you see Mikasa's blade go through Reiner's arm.

And as you land you see Mikasa stabbing the hooded figure-

Except the hooded figure doesn't have a hood anymore, and all you can do is watch as Reiner and the hooded figure stare at the rest of you and light starts to form around them as they begin to transform and finally you're able to let out a scream because you know who the hooded figure is. Because you know exactly who they are. 

"BRESLAU!!!"


	9. Recuperate

You don't remember anything that happens to you the next few days, and so the others tell you, breaking the events up into manageable pieces. 

You take their words in, nodding silently, your body shivering despite the thick blanket wrapped across your shoulders. 

You're in some cabin now, you know that. There's been some discovery about Eren's powers, something involving an ability to control Titans. Levi isn't here, but he'll be back soon. Everyone is cleaning frantically in preparation. 

You haven't spoken in days. 

Because there are a few things you are having trouble wrapping your mind around, a few things that you refuse to believe no matter how many times people try to tell you. 

Breslau is alive. 

Breslau caused your entire squad to die. 

Breslau probably wanted you to die that day. 

Breslau is the Colossal Titan. 

Breslau killed thousands of people. 

Breslau wants to destroy humanity. 

But that couldn't be possible. It simply can't be. 

Whenever you were cold and tired at night after an expedition, Breslau would wrap their arms around you to give you their body heat. Breslau would listen to you talk for hours, the ghost of a smile adorning their lips as you weaved stories together that your mother used to whisper to you to get you to go to sleep at night. The two of you would watch the stars and pretend they were portals to other worlds, and you would point at your favorite ones. 

Whenever you were with Breslau, the stars felt close enough to touch. 

You realize that you've been lying to yourself somewhat. You do remember a little bit about the past few days. You remember the moment you saw them on the wall, their neck slick with blood from Mikasa's blade. You remember the flash of light, and you remember wanting to speak but realizing no words were coming out. 

Somehow you had ended up on your knees, and somehow, luckily, your mouth had started working again, because at least you could scream-at least you could let your voice ring out and get lost in the deluge of smoke of blades and ash.

Somehow more time had passed and you remember looking down at the handles in your hand, at the blunt remnants of a blade you must have used, at bright red blood staining your hands, and everything was hazy and out of focus. 

You shake your head, and force yourself to snap out of it. You don't want to remember anything else. 

Eren is crouched down so he can reach you, as you are sitting on the floor, curled up tight, because you want to disappear. His expression is intense, worry and understanding etched across his face. 

"It hurts, right?" he says bluntly. "You're in pain." If anyone else had said those words to you, they would have cut through you to the bone, and you might have finally snapped. But it's Eren, and you know his answer is deeper than that. It's not meant to be judgmental or condescending. He's asking you how you truly feel. 

"I'm angry," you say softly, as soon as you utter the words, you know it's true. "I'm so angry. And empty. It's like the pain will never stop." 

Eren nods in understanding, and you quickly excuse yourself and lock yourself in your room, expecting to fall apart. 

But you don't. Because the pain is deeper than that. It's so deep that you don't feel much of anything at all. 

~

You hear several knocks at the door throughout the day, but they sound far away, echoing throughout you like a nightmare you can't get out of. You try to play a game to guess who it is based off the knock.

Mikasa's knocks are quick and rapid, and she only stands by the door for a few seconds before walking away. You can tell by the space between the door and the ground that there are three people, so you assume the other two people are Eren and Armin. You appreciate that; they respect the fact that you don't want to talk. 

Sasha's knocks are so loud that you almost put your hands over your ears on instinct. You can hear her whispering loudly to someone that you assume is Connie. There is some kind of brief scuffle before they walk off, and you sigh in relief, your eyes fluttering closed. Maybe you'll finally get some sleep- 

"Hey, uh-" Jean doesn't even knock, he just starts yelling at you. You can tell by the the shift of light that he's leaning against the door. "I'm just here making sure you're okay-hey, are you sleeping? Yeah, you're probably sleeping. I should have asked that before. Yeah...You should probably...get up." 

"..." 

"Okay, well I tried. Cheer up, I guess." 

~

"It's me." 

You can tell it's Levi before he even speaks, by the sound of his footsteps, by the three quick knocks on the door, efficient, firm, and not too loud.

"You can try to come in if you want," you say, and for a moment you're not even sure if he heard you. 

"The door is locked." he says eventually. 

"That isn't my problem." 

A few moments pass, and you're sure he's going to walk away-

You jolt as you hear a loud bang, and you lift your head out from under the covers. Levi is already walking into the room, not acknowledging the fact that he must have kicked the door open so hard that the lock broke. He closes it behind him, sitting on the edge of your bed. He crosses his legs, not making eye contact with you. 

"So." he says. 

"So..." you say. 

"..."

"..."

" You fucked a Titan."

"..." 

"..."

"I didn't fuck a-Breslau wasn't a Titan when we-I didn't know that that they were a..." you stumble over your words, and Levi watches you with an indistinguishable expression, his arms crossed as he lifts his chin up slightly. "I loved them. Do you have any sympathy for that?" 

"..."

"..." 

"...Titan fucker." 

"..."

"..."

"I'm not a Titan fucker." 

"You're a Titan fucker." 

"I'm not-" 

"You fuck Titans." 

"No-" 

"That means you're a Titan fucker." 

"Didn't you think I was a Titan for a minute too? When you didn't trust me? And yet, you still let me-" 

"Oi oi oi, shut up idiot. That's not true." Levi scoffs. "I trusted you. Otherwise I wouldn't have fucked you. But you...you actually fucked a Titan." 

Suddenly the situation is so ridiculous, and nothing makes sense, and you just have to laugh. 

The laughter peals out of you, loud and insistent, and so forceful that it doesn't even feel like it's coming from you, it feels like some outside entity is squeezing down on your abdomen and causing muscles of your body to clench and you keep laughing and you can't stop. 

"Hey-" 

"Wait wait wait don't speak," you interrupt Levi, tears streaming down your face. "Let me guess what you're going to say next-you're going to say: Oi oi oi, shut up brat. You sound like you're dying, or like you're about to take a shit." you lower your voice and make it raspy to imitate Levi, and the look on his face only makes you laugh even more. 

Eventually the laughter fades, and you stare up at the ceiling. For a moment, for a split second, you almost felt...happy. It's such a strange feeling. And then you understand. 

He was trying to make you laugh, to take your mind off of things. Hours of replaying the events of the past few days in your mind, days of not speaking, and someway, somehow, with his stupid joke, he was able to make you feel...something, even if it were only for a few moments. 

You know this feeling. You've felt it before. 

"I love you," you say, and the words are so easy to say. 

Levi looks at you for a moment.

His expression is unreadable, as if he didn't register what you just said. You furrow your eyebrows, wondering if maybe you said the words in your head instead of out loud. 

You open your mouth to speak once more, but before you can, Levi stands and leaves the room without another word.


	10. Anabasis

Levi comes into your room the next day, your confession seemingly long forgotten. 

He's wearing a white cloth over his mouth and nose, and another cloth on his head, you assume to make sure his hair stays nice and pretty. 

Which makes you start thinking about his hair, and about hairbrushes and other things. 

He looks so adorable that you almost forget that you're furious at him. 

Well. Almost. 

You shake your head, willing yourself to stop. There's no way you're forgiving him. Absolutely no way. 

"It's disgusting in here," he says, unlatching the window and letting it fly open with a bang. He stands in front of it for a while, letting the sunlight and the breeze waft in, and you peek at him from underneath your blanket. He looks like he's thinking about something. Well, he always does, but this feels different. He seems more pensive, more unsure. 

In your opinion, the only thing he should be thinking about is his response to your love confession. But that's just your opinion. 

He gets to work after a while, wiping down surfaces and wincing at dust. He cleans places you wouldn't even think of-underneath the bedside table, in the space between the door and the wall...everywhere. It's fascinating to watch, if not a little concerning.

"Your sheets need to be washed," Levi says. You ignore him, staying completely still. "The quilt, at least." You still don't answer. 

You feel a rush of air as Levi pulls the blanket off of you.

You couldn't have been bothered to put on clothes last night, so you are only wearing underwear, leaving your chest and legs exposed. Levi stares at you for a while, and you stare back, refusing to look away. 

His eyes lazily trail across the surface of your skin, slowly, and he says nothing for a while. 

"I have some affairs to settle. I'll be back," he finally says before leaving. 

~

You finally gather up the strength to wash up and put real clothes on. Almost everyone is outside watching as Hange conducts experiments on Eren. You feel bad for him- he's been at it for hours, being forced to turn into a Titan multiple times while Hange yells and writes things in their notebook. 

Historia is the only one not outside. She's in the dining area, sitting at the dinner table. She looks lost in thought, her bright blue eyes shining with the ghost of tears that are about to fall. 

"Historia?" You say gently. You've known her as Christa for so long, and you haven't had the opportunity to call her Historia until now. You've been...out of commission for the past few days, processing Breslau's betrayal, and you can't help but feel guilty that you hadn't thought to check up on her. 

If anyone can understand what you're going through, it's Historia. After all, Ymir-who you assume is her lover-is off somewhere with Reiner and Breslau, her motives still very unclear. 

You take a seat next to her. She doesn't look at you, but she stiffens in acknowledgment. 

"All I can think about is if she's okay," Historia says after a moment. You nod in understanding, waiting for her to continue. "I have no idea what she is...no idea what's happening. And I keep thinking about the past. About...everything. And it's terrifying." She finally looks at you, a soft yet determined smile on her face. "I'm sure you're probably the best person here to talk about this. I know you understand." 

"I do," you say simply. And she nods. 

"I've been doing enough sulking for one day. I want to do something," Historia says after a moment, stretching. "Would you...Do you want to help me cook? It might be nice for Eren and everyone to have a warm meal waiting for them after the...experiments." 

"Sure," you say. In reality, all you want to do is crawl into bed and never leave, but you know you can't do that forever. You've already had several days to process. This world is too cruel to give you any more time. 

The two of you decide to make stew, and so Historia passes you vegetables for you to chop up. You haven't had anything except for rations for a long time. It's nice to be in a cabin like this, and have the opportunity to harvest and have real food. 

'It looks like they're coming back now," Historia says, glancing out the window. "We should start plating now." 

"Wait," you tell her as she holds the pot of stew over the rice. "Don't mix the stew and the rice together. Levi won't like that." 

Historia furrows her eyebrows, but nods, putting the pot down. She watches as you carefully pour a portion of the stew into one bowl and the rice into another before cutting an apple into two halves and putting it all on a tray. You add a cup of tea and a cloth and utensils to the tray as well. You make your way into Levi's room, placing it on his desk because you know it's unlikely he'll want to sit with everyone else. And then you rejoin Historia in the kitchen. 

"Did the Captain tell you to do that?" she asks. 

"Hmm?" You say. 

"It's odd...you just seemed to know exactly how he wanted his food. I had no idea the two of you were that close." 

Your heart drops into your stomach. 

"We're not," you say quickly, and then compose yourself. "I just don't want him to be upset and make the rest of us miserable. That's all." 

Historia parts her mouth to speak, but the door bursts open before she can continue. 

"I SMELL FOOD-" Sasha says, her mouth-watering as she tugs Connie along with her. Jean and everyone else follows soon after, and you breathe a sigh of relief, choosing to retreat back into your room. 

~

It is slightly uncomfortable, lying down on your bed without any covers, so you lay on your back staring up at the ceiling. You can hear everyone else laughing and talking in the dining room, and you feel sadness start to creep up inside of you. You remember what it was like to be a teenager at the orphanage, young and optimistic. It's as if things flowed off your shoulders easier, like the pain was easier to bear. 

"Hey," you hear Levi say. You were so lost in thought that you didn't even hear him come in. You're about to ask how he was even able to come in in the first place, and then you remember that he broke your lock last night. You also, of course, remember that he still hasn't responded to your confession. You're beyond frustrated at this point.

"You left that tray for me earlier, didn't you?" You hear him say. 

"Yes," you say, and you're about to add some snide remark about how that's the last thing you'll ever give him, but there is no time, because suddenly he's pulling you up to a seating position on the edge of the bed and he's sitting in your lap and he's kissing you, and in that moment you forget how to breathe.

You moan, you moan louder than you should, because you haven't been touched in days, because that used to be okay but now it's not okay, now it's never enough, not since Levi started touching you.

His kisses taste like apples, and he's being soft and sweet but it feels so desperate, it's oh so very desperate, and your shirt is off and your back hits the mattress as he grinds against you.

"Stop doing this to me," he says against your skin, and he kisses you again before you can ask him what he means. 

You need to see more of him, and so you help each other out of your clothes until there is absolutely nothing separating the two of you. 

"I need to fuck you," he says. 

"Then fuck me," you say. 

He thrusts into you immediately, without warning, and you struggle to hold in your cries as he rolls his hips so he can reach the deepest parts of you. His hand is at your throat, and you twist your hands into his hair and pull, and you feel things you didn't know you could feel. 

You're being rough, you're both being so rough, and you know you're going to be sore after this but you don't care because you're so upset, you're so mad, and you're in love but he isn't, and so you bite down hard on Levi's shoulder because you want him to know what it feels like, and you feel bad because you want him to hurt, because he doesn't love you and it hurts, but he moans instead, he moans because he likes it and you hate yourself even more because you're lying to yourself, because you just want him to feel good, and you just want him to be happy, that's all you want. 

He fucks you so hard that you can't speak, and you try to speak but no words come out, but it doesn't matter because there's nothing to say. 

He bends your knees so that your legs are almost at your shoulders and fucks you even deeper, and all you can manage to let out is a desperate whimper. 

You vaguely remember that you're supposed to be mad at him. But that really doesn't matter any more. 

It's not long before Levi grunts and comes inside you, and you feel him fill you up, and you don't come but it doesn't matter because already he's pulling out and his head rests in the crook of your neck and he's circling your clit so fast with your fingers that your vision grows fuzzy. 

You grab onto his arms for support as he continues the motion, and you feel tears of pleasure start to form and roll down your cheeks, and you're saying please, please, please under your breath, over and over, and you hate that you sound so desperate but you really don't care because you're coming now, harder than you ever have before. 

Levi stops immediately and watches you, he watches as your body shakes and as the tears fall, and puts his clothes back on and exits the room before the chills subside and the tears are wiped away. 

"Is she alright?" you hear Hange say from outside. The two of them seem to be standing outside your door, and you lie there in shock, partially from what just happened, and also from how calm Levi's voice seems through the door. 

"Yes. I checked on her. She's fine. Exhausted though," Levi says. You've never wanted to kick someone in the face more than you do now. 

You struggle to wipe yourself off and put your clothes back on, and in all the confusion you almost don't hear Hange's next words-

"Well, she better be alright. Because we have a problem. And we need to leave. Now." 

~

Your hands shake as you crouch on top of a rooftop in Trost. 

The last few hours have been utter chaos. As if your situation couldn't get any worse, there is an apparent plan in place to kidnap Eren and Hisoria. You and the rest of Levi Squad have decided to conduct an operation to have the kidnappers kidnap Armin and Jean instead while Hange further investigates the recent murder of Pastor Nick. 

The plan seems to be going well so far, and you are scouting with Levi until Eren and Historia are safely evacuated and taken back to your agreed upon meet up point. 

You haven't been able to look Levi in the eye since the event that transpired. Not because you're nervous, but because you're afraid you'll rip his clothes off in public. And there are other, more pressing issues to deal with. 

Levi has been somewhat silent for most of the mission, safe for a few commands he's let out here and there. But now, he seems to have something on his mind. He furrows his brow, and makes eye contact with you for the first time. 

"Something's wrong," he says. 

"What is it?" you say, immediately trusting him. If Levi says something is wrong, then it must be true. You have no doubt about that. 

"I have something to tell you," he says, slowly, as if the information pains you. "Do you know that I used to live in the underground?" 

"I think I heard that from somewhere, yeah," you say, not wanting to admit that Eren told this to everyone at dinner a long while ago. 

"Well...I don't need to go into detail. I will soon. But...there was this man. He took me under his wing. He used to go around slaughtering Military Police. He had a trench coat covered in blood." 

A trench coat covered in blood. 

Levi says other things, but that's all you hear-

And you don't know how you move so fast but you do, you roll out of the way just in time, just before the space on the roof where you just were is shot at, just before you hear a voice that you know you've heard before. 

"Yo, Levi! You grown any yet?!" the voice says, and there is a man flying through the sky in ODM with several people following him, and they look like military police but they can't be, because they don't have blades, they have what look like mini cannons in their hands-

"Oh? It doesn't look like you've changed at all !!" 

And your breath cuts off and you can't move because it's him. It's him it's him it's him. And Levi knows him Levi knows him Levi knows him-

"KENNY!!!"


	11. Blitz

“KENNY!!!” 

Levi activates his ODM, and for a moment, everything is silent, as if you’re watching everything in slow motion. For a moment, Levi looks like he’s flying. 

And then everything races back into focus. 

You roll over to the side, barely dodging as something explodes the roof where you were just crouched. You run, activating your ODM and using it to leap onto a nearby building, explosions erupting just inches behind you. You are just fast enough, just barely. If you fight at full speed, you just might be able to get out of this alive. 

You don’t look for Levi. You’re not worried about him. He’ll make it out alive, he always does. 

You wince in pain as another explosion rockets past you, almost close enough to taste, and you fall off the face of the building on purpose, using ODM to grapple onto nearby window sills and walls. You risk a glance behind you in suck in a breath-there are at least five enemies following you, holding what appear to be handheld cannons. 

That’s all you’re able to process before you detach one of your grappels on purpose to swing to the other side of the alley, narrowly avoiding another cannon blast. You vault into a nearby window, wincing at the broken glass but breathing a sigh in relief that the bedroom is empty. 

You’re barely able to catch your breath before you cry out in pain as someone crashes into you, pinning you to the floor. You feel something pierce into you, but there’s no time to think about that right now, because the person is reaching for their side, presumably to reload their cannon. You punch them across the face, using their split second of shock to pull your legs free and wrap them around their neck, squeezing hard. 

They flail against you, but your legs hold them steady, and it’s not long before the loss of air causes them to lose consciousness. You briefly consider trying to take a look at their gear, but there isn’t any time, as another enemy swings into the window after you. You lift the body up, using it as a shield and throwing it at them, wincing as the sound of the cannon goes off and the body jerks as the enemy shoots into them in an attempt to shoot through the body and into you. You’re able to twist your body away just in time, and you rush into another bedroom across the hall, jumping out the window there just in time for another cannon blast to nearly singe your skin as you put a wall of buildings between you and your pursuers. 

Another problem quickly presents itself-you’re running out of gas. Before you can begin to process that, someone moves toward you in a flash, and you suck in a breath as you are grabbed and thrown onto someone’s shoulder like a sack of potatoes. 

It’s Levi. Of course it’s Levi. 

“Cover me! And shoot to kill!” he yells at you amidst the noise.

“Yes Captain!” you yell back, and Levi springs into action. 

You hold onto Levi’s shoulder with one hand as you both swing through the air, using your other hand to pull the trigger. Your grappling hook sinks into the chest of a nearby pursuer, and they groan in pain. You make sure to detach the hook before they crash through a clothesline and fall to the cobblestone ground far below. 

It’s not long before Mikasa, Jean, Armin, Connie, and Sasha swing towards you, awaiting further instructions. 

“They have Eren and Historia!” Armin shouts, struggling to be heard in the air. “What should we do, captain?!”

You feel Levi tense underneath you, and he waits for a brief second before speaking. 

“Y/N and I will go after their leader, Kenny. The rest of you will retrieve Eren and Historia at any cost. We meet back at our planned location by tomorrow night. If Y/N and I are not there by then, you continue the mission without us. And you shoot to kill. ” Levi says gravely. 

There is a brief silence, and then-

“Yes, Captain,” Mikasa says, a scary glint in her eye as she swoops down towards the fast moving carriage below. The others do the same, and Levi aims his grappling hook in front of him, hooking it into Kenny’s shoulder, who is just ahead of the two of you. 

Kenny screams out in pain and starts to fall, separating himself from the enemy formation so that he can attempt to yank the grappling hook out before it hooks the ground. He is able to in time, and he secures himself to a nearby wall before shooting a hook back at the two of you in retaliation. You twist your body around and aim your grappling hook, and your hook knocks his out of the air, and Kenny curses loudly, falling back and making his way closer to the two of you. It seems like Levi's plan has worked-the others make it onto the carriage in time as it disappears past a gate leaving Trost, and Kenny reaches for the gate but is unable to reach it before it closes. He curses once more, realizing that he’s separated from the rest of the group, and he propels himself into a nearby alleyway, taking an abrupt detour. The two of you pass the alleyway, as it’s too sharp a turn for Levi to make, and Levi curses, aiming his grappling hook at a nearby roof and using it to swing the two of you back around to the alley-but it’s too late.

Kenny has seemingly vanished into thin air, and you and Levi are separated from the rest of the group. 

***

“You have to talk to me,” you say to Levi after a while. The two of you have been walking through the forest outside Trost for a good hour or so, and Levi hasn’t said a word on the journey here. “Are you sure that Kenny went this way-” 

“I don’t know,” Levi says quickly, with gritted teeth. He is watching the ground, the trees, searching for any indication that Kenny might have gone this way. “But there’s no way he stayed in the city. He wants me to find him. That I know.” 

“How can you know-” you start to say, and Levi punches a nearby tree so hard that the bark splinters harshly. You blink, unaffected. “This is not the time to throw a temper tantrum. We have to think our way out of this mess. And right now, you’re using your heart instead of your head.” 

“You’re one to talk,” Levi says under his breath. 

On an ordinary day, you would have dropped the issue. 

But not today. Not after everything you’ve been through for the past few weeks. 

“What do you mean by that?” you say, feeling you eyes start to burn with tears that threaten to fall. 

“I meant what I said.” 

“well, you seemed to be thinking with your heart rather than your head when you were inside me earlier,” you point out, gritting your teeth. Levi scoffs, still walking slightly ahead, refusing to look at you. 

“That had nothing to do with my heart. I need to fuck something, and you were there and willing, so I fucked you-” 

You grab Levi by the shoulders, slamming him into the splintered tree. His words threaten to break something within you, something fragile, and you struggle to hold yourself together, even though you feel yourself start to fall apart. 

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t care about me,” you say slowly, so quietly that you’re not even sure Levi hears you. “Tell me that you don’t love me.” He tilts his chin up, looking off to the side, refusing to make eye contact with you. 

You press him against the tree with your body, grabbing him by the hair and forcing him to look at you. “Do it. Look me in the eyes and tell me.” 

“I don’t care about you,” Levi says softly. “I don’t love you.” 

The two of you stand there for a moment, staring at each other, and not for the first time, you hate yourself for wanting to kiss him. For wanting to lose yourself in the arms of a man who refuses to love you. 

“We have to follow the trail,” Levi says simply. 

You let him walk ahead of you, and you bite your lip, burrowing your head in your sleeve so Levi doesn't hear you cry. 

You’re so full of adrenaline, so betrayed and hurt and terrified, that you barely notice the pain starting to grow in your side, aching and insistent underneath your jacket, until the world starts to collapse around you. 

Levi catches you before you fall to the ground.


	12. Convalesce

“Wake up, idiot.” 

Your eyes flutter open, and you lock eyes with Levi.

There is a split second before he realizes you’re awake, a split second in which you see the way he looks at you when he doesn’t know you’re looking. And it’s almost too much to bear. It’s almost too much for it to handle. Because it feels like this is something you really should not be seeing at all. 

His eyes are soft. They are soft. He looks like he might cry. You’ve never seen him cry. And even then, the side of his mouth is lifted up ever so slightly, as if he likes the look of you, as if he doesn’t want to do anything else but look at you, as if he might fall apart if he never got the chance to look at you again. 

It’s amazing, really, how quickly his expression changes as soon as you fully regain consciousness. His lips draw into a firm line, and his eyes cloud over, and you blink once, then twice, wondering if you dreamt the whole thing. 

“What the fuck happened,” you say softly. You try to sit up, but he stops you, laying a hand on your shoulder so that you stay on your back. You’re still in the forest, lying in soft grass, next to a firepit that Levi must have built. The sun is setting above you, and soft hues of pink and orange are streaked across the sky. You hear the faint sound of the crackling fire, and it smells like smoke, and it’s so pleasant and the fire is so warm. Everything is beautiful for a moment.

“You had broken glass in your side. You must have jumped through a window earlier with your ODM. How did you not notice until you passed out?” Levi asks, in an almost accusatory tone. You sigh, and sit up despite his grumbling, and notice that your shirt is off, leaving you in your underwire and pants. There is a cloth wrapped around your lower abdomen. He must have dressed and cleaned your wound as you slept. 

“Thank you,” you say softly, poking at the dressing, and he curses, moving your hand away. 

“Don’t touch it. You’ll only hurt yourself more,” Levi says insistently. “I-I was worried about you.” 

You blink in shock, taken aback at his words. He was worried about you? The same man who said he only wanted to fuck you? That doesn’t make any sense, does it? You search his face, looking for some kind of an answer, and you get your wish. Because Levi’s cheeks are stained pink. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him blush before, in fact, you could barely imagine it before now. And suddenly, everything clicks into place.

“You love me,” you say slowly. Levi blinks once, then twice, but he doesn’t say anything. Your face feels hot, and you feel something starting to thaw within you, something that has been long dormant, finally now coming to light. “You love me. The way you looked at me when I woke up. There’s no denying it.” 

Levi still doesn’t say anything. Your smile only grows. 

“Why won’t you say the words?” you ask. “Why won’t you just-”

“We have other things to worry about,” Levi says, his voice uncharacteristically shaky. “We have to find Kenny. He can’t be far-”

“I don’t give a fuck about that because you love me,” you say. “And you can’t say anything to convince me otherwise. I don’t need you to tell me that you do either. You love me. I know it, and that’s enough. That’s it.” 

You stare at Levi, willing him to give you an answer. 

And Levi kisses you. 

He kisses you and you almost forget to breathe, because he’s so soft, because he’s being so fucking soft and it’s almost too much. And it’s too much because you know what he’s saying, even though he can’t say it with his words. 

Levi swipes his tongue against yours. His breath is hot and heavy against your mouth, and you can feel the barest hint of his eyelashes fluttering against your cheeks. He seems nervous, even shy, in the way that his hands run up and down your body and gently maneuvers you so that you’re sitting in his lap, your back to his chest. 

“I want to apologize to you,” he says softly against your lips, his fingers unbuttoning your pants softly as he bites at your bottom lip. 

“For what?” you ask him. 

“For everything,” Levi replies, before he reaches into your pants and slips his fingers inside you. 

You arch your body against his touch, gasping as you squeeze your thighs together and grind against Levi’s hand and fingers. He brings your face to him with his free hand, and plants firm kisses on the side of your neck, your forehead, the tip of your nose, your lips as you writhe and moan against him. He reaches down to pull your breasts free from your bra, pinching and pulling and playing at your nipples with his fingers. 

You feel his hardness against you, prominent and insistent, and you grind back against it, delighting in the sound of his moaning, reverberating through your entire body as you squirm and sigh and lean into his touch. 

Levi doesn’t speak, but you know what he’s saying with every kiss and every single touch. 

‘I’m sorry for being so harsh to you.’

‘I’m sorry for not being able to tell you how I feel.’

‘I’m sorry for not being there for you sometimes.’

‘I’m sorry for not trusting you at first.’

‘I’m sorry for not holding you and kissing you enough.’

‘I’m sorry for lying to you.’

‘I’m sorry for not being enough for you sometimes.’

‘But I’m not sorry for loving you’ is the last thing he says by licking at a prominent vein on the side of your neck and curling his fingers so deep inside you that you cry out as you come. 

Levi wraps his arms around you as you do, and he hold his hand up and the two of you suck and lick at it so you can taste yourself on his fingers, and you kiss each other, and it’s sloppy, and his teeth knock against yours but it’s beautiful, and you sigh against his lips. 

“Let’s end this,” you say slowly, out of breath, still coming down from your high. ‘Let’s find him, and kill him, and end this.”

Levi nods, and kisses the tip of your nose. 

‘And then we can be together’ is what the two of you don’t say.


	13. Affray

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second to last chapter yall
> 
> heavy violence/trauma/death ahead as we tie up loose ends.

Levi wakes you at dawn. Your eyes snap open immediately, and you sit up. His hand is on your mouth, making sure you don’t speak, lest anyone nearby might hear you. 

Which must mean that Kenny is close by.

You haven’t really had time to consider or contemplate what the two of you will do when you meet Kenny once more. According to Levi, he’s very cunning, and the two of you will most likely end up dead if you make even one mistake. But still, you have to try; you have to be willing to lay your life on the line. Because Eren and Historia and everyone else will suffer if you don’t. This is bigger than the both of you. This is bigger than any of you.

***

Levi gestures towards the trees, and you nod in understanding. Luckily, you slept in all your clothes, including you shoes, and so you position yourself in a crouch before darting towards the trees. You make it to the tree line, watching as Levi heads over to the trees on the other side of the clearing. It’s not long after you hide that you hear the telltale sound of footsteps, and a brief silence as they eventually stop. 

You whip your head around, confused. Why did the footsteps finally stop? But it’s too late. 

Because Kenny wraps a hand around your waist, pulling you into the clearing and aiming a knife at your neck. 

Not even a split second later, Levi bursts out of the clearing. His hand goes to a knife at his waist, but Kenny tutts, pulling you closer to him. You squirm against him, trying to get him as far away from you as possible, but it’s no use. He’s too strong. 

“Nice to see you again,” he says to you, and you let out a blood curdling scream. 

Because you remember. You remember everything. it all comes rushing back to you all at once-the bloody trench coat, and your parents lying there, looking almost unrecognizable in the near darkness as you stood there watching their bodies on the floor. 

It was him. And Levi knew this whole time, and you already knew all of that, but as soon as the pieces come together, it’s almost too much for you to bear. 

“You seem slightly distressed. Is all of this starting to ring a bell?” Kenny says to you, and you flinch away from him, but he grabs you once more, pulling you to him and pressing the blade so tight to your neck that you wince as it cuts through the skin and he draws blood. 

So much blood and death. And you are so tired of it. You don’t know if you can handle someone else dying. You watch Levi, his tense jaw, and the way he’s shifting back and forth on his feet, and you silently will him not to do anything drastic. You don’t care about losing your life, but you would have no idea what to do if Levi lost his. 

“Yes,” you say slowly, feeling ebbs of fury starting to stoke within you, threatening to boil over. “It is starting to ring a bell. Which is unfortunate for you.”

“Is that so?’ Kenny lets out a hearty laugh, pressing the dagger further into your skin. “Are you going to kill me then?” Levi steps forward, but you deny him with a gentle shake of the head. Because you know what you’re going to do. you’re going to kill him. 

“Yes,” you say. And you reach behind you and point the trigger at what you think is Kenny’s chest before squeezing down, hard. 

Kenny lets out a wail as your grappling hook shoots through his chest and launches him into a nearby tree, sticking him there. Because of his overconfidence, he hadn’t even seemed to realize you were wearing your ODM, and thus really hadn't been able to defend himself from your inevitable attack. He writhes against the tree, trying to reach down to pull the grappling hook out, but it is firmly stuck there in the middle of his chest. You walk up to him as he is coughing up blood, grabbing his hair and wrenching his head back so you can say one lat thing in his ear. Levi is standing solemnly next to you, giving you an opportunity to speak. 

You open your mouth, but the words do not come out, There is nothing more to say. 

‘What? What is it! Just say it!” Kenny yells at you. You let go of him, taking a step back, and his arms reach out as he tries to grab Levi. He does, successfully, mostly because Levi is still in shock, and he pulls him into his chest, squeezing him tightly against him as the two of them hug. Levi is completely still, and his hands are at his sides, but he doesn’t pull away. He stays there until Levi slumps over, his eyes dim, and he rests eternally. 

***

You watch for several hours as Levi pulls Kenny off the tree, digs a grave, and buries him. He uses the hooks on his ODM to dig up the harsh dirt, and you refuse to help him. In fact, he doesn’t even ask you to help him. He knows not to. There’s no way you would help bury your parent’s murderers, no matter how terrible to you your parents were. And so you sit there, with your arms wrapped around your knees, until you can’t watch anymore. 

***

You wash yourself in a nearby stream to try to wash away the dirt and grit and blood. But it seems like no matter how hard you scrub, the feeling won’t go away. You sigh, admitting defeat, and climb out of the stream once you’re clean, wincing as you put your wet, now clean clothes back on. 

You head back to camp, starting another fire and waiting for Levi to finish burying Kenny. 

You are still lost in thought when Levi comes back from washing up, sitting back next to you. Spent, you lay your head on his shoulder. 

“We should find the others, right,” You say after a while. 

“We have a few hours before we need to,” Levi replies softly, and he wraps his arm around you, pulling you even closer. 

You feel so safe, next to him like this, and it’s all you can do to keep the tears at bay. But you don’t want to cry. Not right now. Not when you have this time to spend with Levi. 

You reach your hand out, playing with the white piece of cloth that Levi always seems to wear on his neck. 

“It was a piece of my mother’s dress,” Levi says after a while. You sit up, your hand still holding the soft material. You stay quiet, willing him to continue. So Levi takes a deep breath and he tells you everything, 

He tells you about what his mother did to survive, and how after she died, he hid in the same room with her for days without food, too scared to move. He tells you about how Kenny saved him and raised him in the underground before leaving suddenly. He tells you that he used to have friends before they died, that Commander Erwin saved him and made him join the Survey Corps, that it was the best and worst decision of his life. He tells you everything, and you listen. 

“Can I talk to your mother?” you ask, and Levi raises an eyebrow. Ignoring his bewildered look, you hold the handkerchief in his hand, speaking to it softly. “Hi Levi’s mom. It’s me. I don’t know if Levi told you about me. But I love your son. And he’s done so well for himself. he’s saving the world. He’s brave, and strong, and so stubborn and annoying. But I’m his.” you finish, feeling the tears start to fall, even though you don’t want them to. 

“And I’m yours,” Levi says softly, and kisses your tears away. “My mother would’ve loved you. I know that.”


	14. Devotion

You run your hand through Levi’s hair. 

He is half asleep, with his head resting on your chest, and your fingers travel through the coarse strands, lifting them up before letting them drop back down. You scratch his scalp lightly with your fingers, smiling to yourself when he lets out an involuntary breath of satisfaction at the motion. 

The two of you are lying in a bed together, and nurses have been coming in and out of the room for the past few days. Everyone has been worried about you; the glass in your abdomen could have caused the wound to be infected, but luckily there seem to be no signs of that at the moment. Still, Levi has insisted on staying with you and hasn’t left your side or your bed in several days. 

Levi had gotten annoyed at all the activity, choosing instead to lock the door this morning after the nurses had cleaned you and checked up on you, telling them that he would let them know if you need further assistance. 

“I like your hair, Levi,” you say after a while, and he grumbles in response. “It’s always so soft.” 

“Not really,” he huffs and buries his face in your chest. Here, everything is calm for a moment, unlike the chaos that has been the last few days. After sending you back to get rest and be treated, Levi had gone with the rest of his squad to rescue Eren and Historia. Apparently, a large battle had commenced, and Historia and everyone else had managed to defeat the giant Rod Riess titan before he drilled through the walls. You are thankful for them, and for everyone who laid their life out on the line. 

Still, you can’t help but feel a pang in your chest, a feeling of dread washing over you as you realize that Breslau is still out there somewhere with Reiner, waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike. That everything you thought you knew was a lie. That you might not be well enough to go on the next Scout Regiment mission to finally seal up the outer wall and end this madness for good. 

Still, though, you have been feeling better. Your wound is essentially healed, but Levi doesn’t want you to go nonetheless. In your opinion, he’s being way too overprotective. 

“You don’t think your hair is soft?” you ask him, confused. He shakes his head against your chest. 

“I don’t think much of it. Or what I l-” Levi starts to say, but he stops himself just in time. 

“What do you mean by that?” you ask him. “You don’t think much of what you...look like?” 

Levi doesn’t respond, which is an answer in and of itself. 

“Is this why you didn’t want me to watch you change and everything?” you ask him. “I had no idea.”

“It’s fine. I just don’t get why you-” ‘want to be with me,’ is what he doesn’t say out loud. But you still hear him nonetheless. 

“Sit down on the bed,” you say. Levi looks up at you, furrowing his eyebrows, but he obliges. His feet don’t reach the floor, even as he sits on the edge of the bed, and he swings his legs a bit unconsciously before stopping himself, pink staining his cheeks. 

“You see that mirror there, across the room?” you whisper in his ear, positioning yourself so that you’re sitting behind him, his chest to your back. “I want you to look at the mirror. Don’t take your eyes off it. Yeah?” 

“Okay,” Levi says simply, his breath starting to grow labored as you run your hands up and down the length of his body. You make your way down to his pants, unbuttoning them and palming at his crotch with your hand. Levi curses, biting his lip and leaning back so that his hand is resting in the crook of your neck. You plant soft kisses there as your hand makes its way into his underwear to free his cock. 

“Didn’t I tell you to look at the mirror?” You whisper threateningly in his ear. Levi lets out a breath and obliges. And he curses once more as you start sliding your hand up and down his shaft. 

He was already half-hard before you even started stroking his cock, but now he is painfully hard now, a dribble of pre at the tip. You massage the head of his cock with your palm, and he cries out, grinding himself into your hand. You use your other hand to grab his hair, pulling it and forcing him to look at himself. 

“What pretty moans you’re making,” you say against his ear, and Levi leans into the contact. “So pretty. You’re doing so well.”

“Am I?” Levi asks, out of breath.

“Yes, of course. Doing so well for me.” You kiss his shoulder, his neck, sucking down harshly and leaving marks there before going up and circling his ear lobe with your hot tongue. 

“It’s not long before Levi cries out as he climaxes, his come running down his cock and onto your hand. You use it as lube, spreading it all across his still hard cock before repositioning the two of you so that he’s on his back and you’re straddling him. You pull your panties down quickly, your hand circling your clit to make yourself even wetter as Levi strokes himself underneath you. 

“Please. I need to be inside you. Please,” Levi says, his eyes watering. 

And you sink yourself down onto his cock. 

Levi groans, and grabs your hips, thrusting into you and hitting a spot inside you that makes you cry out, holding onto him for dear life. He is panting, cursing, tears running down his face as he fights through the overstimulation. The sound of the two of you becoming one fills the ear, intermixed with exhalations and sighs of pleasure as you get closer and closer to the brink. 

“You’re so beautiful,” You tell him as you grind your hips as he continues his unrelenting thrusts. “Every inch of you.” 

And Levi says something right before he comes. 

“I love you-fuck-” 

The two of you hold onto each other and suddenly you can’t think of anything else because you’re coming, and you feel Levi fill you up as you clench around him, and you reach down and your mouths connect and your tongue intertwines, and Levi loves you. 

***

“I love you,” Levi says long after the two of you are finished. You're lying on his chest now, and the gentle rise and fall of it, the gentle breaths he lets out, are comforting to you. “I love you, I love you, I love you. I should have said it sooner.” 

You think about all the tragedy that has led you to where you are now. Everything you’ve been through, all the times it’s hurt-it all weighs down on you, leaving you haunted by what could have been, but also optimistic about what could be. You’re not sure if you’ll ever find Breslau again, and confront them for what they’ve done. You’re not sure if you can join the Scouts for this mission, or if someone may find out about you and Levi. But what you do know is that Levi loves you. And the barriers around his heart, the ones that have stopped him from giving himself to you completely, have started to topple over, revealing who he truly is. And Levi is good. Levi is so good. 

“I love you,” you say.

“I love you too. Forever and always.” Levi says. And you rest easy that day, knowing he means every single word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you thank you thank you for sticking with this story for so long. it’s been many late nights, and thousands of words, but we're here! i hope you enjoyed the journey as much as i did. until next time :’)


End file.
